Before the Breakdown
Firstly let me say that what is below was written by me about 5 days before my mental breakdown, that started my journey. It was posted on a blog at the time, one I have left abandoned, partly to leave that time of my life behind, but also because what was written there was part of my soul that was in anguish and its to easy to re-live those feelings.
Now I know in the wake of the last couple of posts that you guys might be getting worried about me. Yeah I am still hurting and parts of me want to save this but my head says no. I am in no immediate danger of hurting myself, I am re- posting this to let others know that they are not alone when it comes to mental pain. Where it was originally posted I had over 500 comments.
HERE IS YOUR WARNING THIS IS NOT NICE, IT COULD BE UPSETTING TO SOME PEOPLE, IM NOT JOKING AROUND HERE. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES THIS MAY NOT BE FOR YOU TURN BACK NOW.
I don't want to wake tomorrow
I dont want to wake up tomorrow please lord take me while I sleep,
the pain the sorrow, its to much, the pressure upon me,
why must I suffer like this, why must i be forced to endure.
People try to help god bless them, but they do not understand they do not know,
pain,suffering deep dark pools, Im scared to look in the mirror,
the anger in me, the pain, the anguish, my fears extended beyond reason.
they will come out of my relfection like phantoms and eat me whole.
Its black where i am right now dark, the place of my fears, where ghosts,
devils and deamons scream at my soul, every last bit of my sanity, every piece
of my reason being scraped away by my past, my hopes my dreams destroyed.
In this dark place i feel alone, lonely tired and afraid, its black here a darkness
no soul should know. Im not afraid of hell im living it every day, the intense darkness,
the pain of loss the stiring of things long forgotten.
No more happiness in my soul,
No more smiles on faces,
No more can I be helped,
No more options
No more life
No more living
The end is near I hope I cant cope any more. My life my loves my dreams all vanish like a phantom at dawn, i want this to be over, to feel nothing to be nothing, not to dream, not to love, not to be. I want to be gone. No one else will I hurt no one. No more will I cry in my dreams and no more will i wish for death.
Oh lord please take me tonight. I no longer deserve to live like this, my punshment has been endured, please take me I no longer want to live.
Now I know in the wake of the last couple of posts that you guys might be getting worried about me. Yeah I am still hurting and parts of me want to save this but my head says no. I am in no immediate danger of hurting myself, I am re- posting this to let others know that they are not alone when it comes to mental pain. Where it was originally posted I had over 500 comments.
HERE IS YOUR WARNING THIS IS NOT NICE, IT COULD BE UPSETTING TO SOME PEOPLE, IM NOT JOKING AROUND HERE. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES THIS MAY NOT BE FOR YOU TURN BACK NOW.
I don't want to wake tomorrow
I dont want to wake up tomorrow please lord take me while I sleep,
the pain the sorrow, its to much, the pressure upon me,
why must I suffer like this, why must i be forced to endure.
People try to help god bless them, but they do not understand they do not know,
pain,suffering deep dark pools, Im scared to look in the mirror,
the anger in me, the pain, the anguish, my fears extended beyond reason.
they will come out of my relfection like phantoms and eat me whole.
Its black where i am right now dark, the place of my fears, where ghosts,
devils and deamons scream at my soul, every last bit of my sanity, every piece
of my reason being scraped away by my past, my hopes my dreams destroyed.
In this dark place i feel alone, lonely tired and afraid, its black here a darkness
no soul should know. Im not afraid of hell im living it every day, the intense darkness,
the pain of loss the stiring of things long forgotten.
No more happiness in my soul,
No more smiles on faces,
No more can I be helped,
No more options
No more life
No more living
The end is near I hope I cant cope any more. My life my loves my dreams all vanish like a phantom at dawn, i want this to be over, to feel nothing to be nothing, not to dream, not to love, not to be. I want to be gone. No one else will I hurt no one. No more will I cry in my dreams and no more will i wish for death.
Oh lord please take me tonight. I no longer deserve to live like this, my punshment has been endured, please take me I no longer want to live.
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