Showing posts from July, 2013

Wow Simply wow

I have spoken many many times on this blog about my spiritual journey and I have spoken about my early life within a church that at the time, would have kicked me out.  I have spoken about the more recent incident where I was banned from attending services because I was gay.

Then just now I found this

Are we seeing a monumental change in church doctrine.  Is this the beginning of the renewal ?  Im sitting here in tears, I cant believe what has been said.  my favorite line in all of this is

And when someone sins and confesses, he said, God not only forgives but forgets. "We don't have the right to not forget," he said.
I have waited half a life time to hear those words.  Now how long till it becomes ok…

So when does it happen

Yeah that's right when does it happen?  When does the world full of conman and thieves give up their trade and leave the rest of us alone.  When do the people in my life leave me alone and not demand things of my I could not possibly supply.

In the end it will be me laying on the bed lifeless taken the pills that were needed to get me there.

Its no ones fault just my own for ever thinking I could reach outside my safety dome,  Really dumb and stupid thing to do considering my current level of existence..

death whispers in my ear that it can come take all of this away.

tonight he wins that game

night all

Edit: It was another bad night, been having way to many of them as of late, all brought on by stress.  I just want out of this existence (not a life) that I am enduring again.  Im not happy at all, not even remotely so.  

I just want away somewhere where I can start again, I have so many reasons to be happy but none of them are my reasons.  In the end its a constant cycle of ups and …


Was listening to my extensive play list on youtube tonight and this song was playing

It reminded me of how much I have changed over the past decade.  I used to care so much what people thought of me, and I tried to conform to those expectations.  But it was doomed to failure as it should be.  You see you should always be you and never ever try to be something your not.

I nearly ended up in the ground from my attempts and I am positive it made my illness worse.  The anxiety that was associated with the whole inability to be everything to everyone, and the fact I could never ever be who I wanted not even for a minute, lead to me attempting to take my own life.

Body image is a big one for so many young people I feel sad that they feel they need to do that to themselves.  I feel sad that like me until recently they dont realize that people will love and cherish them without all those things they think they should have or should be.

Me personally when I was young I was a beautiful person, …

The Revolving Door

Hi all;

I dont know if I have mentioned this, but we normally have a third person living with us, it helps pay the bills and in general its been a positive thing.

Well our latest informs us today that he is moving.  To be honest I wont be sorry to see the arse of him.  He is a drama queen with a capital Q.  He really unsettled things here since he arrived.  He has found somewhere that is $50 a week cheaper.  But that does not include power pay TV or internet so he is going to be more out of pocket.

So hope he moves next week we can have the place to ourselves for a few days without all the BS he has brought with him.  Im sure sometime after we get back from Brisbane there will be someone we know looking for a place to live.

Hope your all well haven't seen many of you writing of late, seems to be the year for it thats for sure.



Just an update I have been out taking photos, its going well actually, will keep at it for another week or so yet there are some things I want to take that I haven't had a chance to yet.

Still coming peoples. :)