The Old Tin Shed

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." -

Right now in Australia the debate about gay marriage is being thrashed out on a national stage with a vote by parliament likely before the end of the year.  I am not going to hash over the issues and turn this post into a tirade of for or against, because I am sure that you have read it all before. I personally stand for same sex couples to receive the same under law as any married couple.  Whether this is called marriage or something separate , I don't particularly care.  However I think my stance on gay rights can be summarized in a quote by Mr Harvey Milk. 'It takes no compromise to give people their rights..it takes no money to respect the individual. It takes no political deal to give people freedom. It takes no survey to remove repression. -Harvey Milk-

I was one of the first to grow up with computers, my first console was an Atari 64 first PC a commodore 64 with tape drive.  Its where I became a gamer.  Today the average gamer is in their 30's and games are more violent and realistic than ever. Full immersion is the goal, to become part of the game, to escape the reality of the world in which you live.  Have heard many a time, ït will rot your brain", "gaming will never get you anywhere, its anti social".  That is one way of looking at it.  But I prefer the alternate view and that is I have lived a double life.  http://youtu.be/6Bqq38WZctA .  Suggest you stop by that and you will get what I mean Transcript For years, I've lived a double life. In the day, I do my job I ride the bus, roll up my sleeves with the hoi polloi. But at night, I live a life of exhilaration, of missed heartbeats and adrenalin. And, if the truth be known, a life of dubious virtue. I won't deny it I've been engaged in viole

Its late here, heading to bed soon but I thought I would share this with the blog world first.  I was laying back on the bed just before looking at a picture of my late father.  A man i still miss terribly, and I doubt my mother will ever get over his loss.  I was thinking back to all the things we did, some of its blurry thanks to my illness but some of it is crystal clear.  My father had a lot of jobs in his life from a Dairy farmer to transport supervisor and just a general truck driver.  There were plenty of jobs in between also.  I realized tonight that there was something more than just missing him, i missed going to his workplace as well.  More importantly I have now realized that, I may never do one thing again in my life.  I know this sounds stupid but the smell of a vat of fresh cold milk really means something to me now. I find it interesting all these great memories are based around that smell.  Its not the same as the smell of milk in a carton, its not processed has al

Today's post is from someone of great wisdom, that has helped shape the lives of millions.  Its also a personal favorite of mine. Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it Buddha What I like so much about it is that it means something different to each person who reads it.  To me it encompasses my journey since my breakdown, and where I am now and where I hope to be in the future.  I'm sure it means something to others, what does it mean to you ?  Leave a comment.

Well a personal post tonight, more about me and how I feel right now.  I feel at the bottom of a very deep dark hole.  No light, and reality is a long way away.  Im going through the motions so people don't worry about me.  Reality is I have no drive, I just want to sit in the quiet with my eyes closed.  Not asleep but not awake, a very peaceful place.  But my world demands of me, I have people to help and basic human functions to take care of even though I dont want to.  I have put on 10Kgs in the last 2 weeks, thats only making things worse anyway have a good one

I have lived in some amazing places in this great country I call home.  From places that look like the quaint English country side, to the tropical heat of the far north. One place holds a special place in my heart.  That is the temperate eucalypt forests of south eastern Australia.  They are an amazing place, immensely beautiful with the Victorian High country some of the most untouched places on earth.  This beauty draws people to want to live withing the living forest.  They build their homes amongst the peace and tranquility that is the Australian Bush. There is a problem a lurking killer.  The forest is highly flammable during the dry and hot summer months.  The oil from the trees saturates the air, and the leaf litter etc on the ground become tinder dry.  It takes one spark from dry lightening or a criminal act to start a fire, and when they get going they are truly unstoppable. My old local CFA Unit, Brave boys every one of them. Black Saturday was a horrible day, I fe

Recently I was invited to be part of a project, that would ultimately end up in making some money.  The project needed my particular skill set to get off the ground.  I was unwell for a couple weeks and unable to bring myself to do any work.  Then the person who was running the project and my best friend decided to go ahead with the project without me. Now I was pretty annoyed by it, so I swore that I would not get involved in the project at all, and that there would be no help.  I thought it particularly unfair they did this behind my back.  Anyway here we are some 5 months down the track, the project is off course running behind and doesn't look like getting completed this year.  Both sides have asked for my input, which I have been very sparing in providing. Now dont get me wrong, im no longer upset with either of the people involved and I understand the reasons behind them going it alone.  But I also know that where they are right now with the project was inevitable because

I just finished watching Boy Interrupted.  Its a sad and at the same time uplifting exploration into the suicide of a 15 year old boy.  Now we will never ever know what was in his mind when he took the decision to end it,  But his mother said that maybe he had come to the realization that he would never defeat his illness. I have said to many people over the years, that acceptance of your illness is the hardest thing you will ever achieve in your entire life.  The realization that there is no cure. That you will have to take mind altering drugs every day. The realization that you can never ever go back to the time before the illness and that things will be forever changed.   It devastating to realize that you cant be helped.  That no one can reach you when your at the bottom of the pit. You cant tell those around you or you loose them to.  Its hard work to live with someone who suffers from mental illness.  I know I hurt those close to me but that doesn't stop the illness leadi

If you don't like in depth observations then please don't read this post.  This post is about a lost generation of young men, who are now approaching 40, who have spent their life in silence. What am I on about ?  There are two parts to this blog post, 1 about boys who became men and were same sex attracted and 2 boys who became men carrying a too often deadly illness. I am from both groups, I have an in depth view of what it is like to be in both situations, and I have met online and real life men in both groups.  Below are my observations of those people and my own terrible experiences. The first group, is probably the one that is most unseen.  I grew up in a rural community where adherence to the christian faith and the churches teachings were paramount.  Jokes about gay men were derogatory and often were used to guide someones decision making process.  I went to a catholic secondary school and was active in my community, I had a large group of friends and I helped out

Recently my partner was in the market for a car, after owning two Jap imports (both now not running), he was looking for something that would be economical, that wasn't a Hyundai and he had a total budget of around $4K.  We looked around for a couple of weeks and we ended up at a local Auto action house.  Several cars we were interested in sold or passed in at a far higher value than we could afford. The last car on our list was a Renault Scenic 2004 2 Ltr.  To make a long story short, we bid against one other and once it was on the market got it for a reasonable $3K and a little bit.  We took it for a Road Worthy Certificate it only needed front rubber.  We brought it home had another good going over, found the service books and some of the service history. My partner cleaned it from top to bottom and I set about getting everything I needed to service the car.  Now this is where the trap can be.  We noticed during our checks that one of the pencil coils had been changed, and d

Over the last couple of months, this question has been bandied about like an old hooker.  This has primarily been asked because of the decline in the US economy and the supposed rise of those in Asia.  China, India and Pakistan are now seen by some as ascending to be the most powerful nations on earth, both economically and militarily. Top 10 Economies link What everyone forgets, and sometimes I think its intentional is that the USA is the largest single economy on earth.  China is catching true, but a lot of that economic development in China is being driven by off shore demand for products produced in China.  A very large group of manufacturers have closed factories in the USA and right across the west to take advantage of cost savings of producing in china.  Lots of call center jobs have been exported to India and Pakistan, again taking advantage of cheap labor.  This leads to a cash flow out of the western economies into the developing ones.As the US economy recovers its GDP will

Well this last week, I have found myself breaking a habit.  It wasn't a bad habit, but a habit none the less.  You see since the early 90's I have had a cell phone of one kind or another, and every night I would take it to the bedside table to charge.  Now in the beginning it served a purpose for most of the 90's I was always on call.  First for other people and then for my own business.  Then in later years because of dad's illness I was never very far from the phone. Its been over a year now he has been gone, mum seems to have settled down, and basically every one else who needs me can now wait till I wake up. So I have moved the charger from the bedroom back to the office, and now every night before I go to bed it goes on the charger there.  I look back and 1992 was the first phone its now nearly 2012, a damn long time to be on call don't you think.

Well today was one of those days, where you wish social norms would let you speak out.  I have put up with misbehaving kids, on planes in cinemas at the supermarket and the list goes on.  Normally I grin and bear it knowing that it will be over soon, and I take pity on a mother all alone dealing with a kid playing up. Well come to this afternoon, I headed down the local supermarket to get food (yes even I need that stuff) and was happily shopping until  it started.  There was a young boy maybe 5 or 6 in the trolley, and he was screaming.  I don't mean crying I mean screaming at the top of his lungs.  Both mum and dad seemed oblivious.  20 minutes later and its still going on.  I wanted to go up to the couple and ask one of them to remove him from the store.  Even the supermarket staff tried to calm him and that didn't work.  Why the hell one of the parents didn't remove him from the situation is beyond me. The parents acted as though nothing was wrong.  By the time I go