The Old Tin Shed

How can it be that you are right in front of me, How can it be, because I saw the life extinguish from your eyes, How can it be, when tendon sinew and bone were shattered. You are as beautiful as I remember, how can it be your here in front of me How can it be I watch your lips move but cant hear what you are saying How can it be seeing your face feels like home, How can it be that your presence makes the panic I feel go How can it be your light makes me feel loved and appreciated How can it be that when I reach for you your gone How can it be this is just another goodbye How can it be this distance I cannot surmount I awake from the dream fully crying at my deep loss I ask how can it be you would answer because I love you One day we will be together again, each dream and moment is precious I love you to Horse

I wish I  could I wish I could reach down inside and flick that switch and turn everything nice for me. its been tough.  I have been sad a long time, and more recently I am beginning to user stand why. When I was younger I work for the RFS as a volunteer we were told we would not deal with car accidents just fires.  LIARS.  In twelve months we attended 19 fatalities.  That takes its toll.  Walking down a free way pickup up arms feet fingers.  Lumps of skin you have no idea who they belong to.  And the overpowering sickening smell of alcohol I am permanently damaged from those days, the ones I remember are the ones that took their last breath in my arms nightmares are filled with their images. I dont bang on about it here but please remember there is a man who has to pick up you and your loved one's body parts, remember that some police officer has to make a trip to your house and wake you loved ones to tell them you died on a highway or road...

I have awoken today to the News that sometime during my night last night one of the funniest and brightest sparks in the world took his own life.  The reports say he was battling debilitating depression.  I know I have shed more than a couple of tears for him today.  One because of the way he touched me in movies like Dead Poets society and because he just made me laugh as a stand up comedian.  An incredible man to us all, but the pain inside must have been to great. We will miss you Robin, I hope and pray you are laying them in the isles on the other side, and that you finally escaped the manic hell you were personally living.  RIP you will be sorely missed. Poor KoKo she now has someone else to mourn, this just breaks my heart Horse

Hey all; Sorry about the time between the last post and this one, but a lot has happened in my life not all of it fantastic but its happened anyway.  So lets get into the list. (1) My now ex and I split after 4 years, its been interesting to say the least, he has been immature in his actions and words.  I would like to stay friends but I see that as increasingly difficult to do.  I still have two computers out there which I hope to get next week all going well. The split was from both sides, we both saw it coming, just neither of us wanted to say it.  In the end it happened after he took the house key off my keys didnt tell me and left me locked out of the house in the heat.  I was coming down off the jagged pill so I let fly.  The straw that broke the camels back I suppose. As it sits we text every couple days, he has asked me to do things for him, and I have turned him down.  He is now seeing the true cost of me not being there.  I had t...

After yesterdays music post, its with great sadness that I do another today.  One of Australia's rock godesses, a woman who helped define female rock, has passed away. I wont go into her life, or her legendry stage performances I am sure that you guys can do that on your own. What I will do is post a couple of ver videos, and long may they remain in popular culture. Me personally I will miss you Chrissy, live you were a force of nature thats for sure. The last song has courted controversy since the day of its release.  It is not about abuse, its not about a woman being beaten up in  a relationship she cannot escape.  Its quite the opposite, it is about and S&M relationship.  Most people would not recognizes that if they had never been in one. One hell of a Rocker, and where ever she is now I am sure that she is already blowing them away.  Will miss you Chrissy

This is going to be one of those meandering posts I have from time to time. I went and saw my psychiatrist today, him and I get on very well.  Our conversations often cross over into mental health theory and treatments.  I recently watched an interview on the ABC about torture and how it effects people.  I ended up coming home with several periodicals and photocopies from reference materials. Its quite funny but i know should he and I ever sit down outside the office we would have the most amazing discussions. So how does this relate to the title of the post.  John made a comment of seeing the damage war and torture do.  We discussed a tipping point, a single event that before that people were normal and after that point are forever damaged.  I made the comment then comes the blackness. For the first time in 4 years I actually started to cry in his office.  Without realizing it I had unsettled myself.  You see...

Came across this video, while burning up my bandwidth on you tube this morning.  Hope anyone who thinks they are just animals, will change their mind after this. If you dont feel compassion for our nearest cousins after this then your not human

So what do you do when someone refuses to forgive you for something you did?  Well im sure there are volumes of psych study that cover this, and the interactions to lead to such situations.  However I will share my experience in the hope others can get something out of it. My father passed away over 2 years ago now, and I miss him every day.  When he was young my grandparents help raise one of my uncles (non blood), after his father left him abandoned.  My uncle Max and my father grew up together and were close for most of their adult lives. As I have stated before during my mental collapse I hurt my parents pretty badly, and with my financial collapse as well my parents lost the way of life that my income provided.  From the outside it looked like I had intentionally made this happen.  Of course we all know now that it was my self destruction that caused the havoc. My parents and my dads sister forgave me, they understood that it wasn't me during t...

This topic has been covered in multiple movies over the years, but it is still something that fascinates me.  Most people think it would be great, and yes it has it pros but it also has its cons. On the pro side, you would get to see history, the passing of great vast amounts of time far beyond that of the human experience.  You could gain huge amounts of financial wealth.  Just the fact that you can live longer than everyone else means you can earn for longer.  Wouldn't it be an amazing thing to wake up tomorrow and say "that last century was amazing".  But to me it would be the attraction of seeing massive changes in the world around me.  Living through and experiencing mans development both good and bad.  Not being able to die would mean you could learn so much, experience so much. There is a bad side.  The hardest one I would think to get used to is that everyone you ever know, friends, lovers etc will all die before you.  Even worse ...