The Old Tin Shed

Im Still angry; Im angry that someone one of my friends called the police, Im angry that I am out of control, all I wanted to do to the policeman that came here was to hurt him and his partner.  The paramedics the works.  LEAVE ME ALONE... I know legally that they cant, but im so angry of being put through it all.  For what to be sent home anyway.  Why cant I end my life the way I want.  Why must I live like this.  Its all well and good till shit happens and my world falls apart and no one can say anything or do anything to make it better. I warned the hospital I would pay for each day they had me there and now I am, so fuck me more reason to want to sue the whole fucken lot of them.  No drug interaction warnings nothing yet its known to have killed 350 people.  Fuck me is that not a reason to add 1 line to the warnings list. Im angry and im over everyone.  I go to sleep now need to be up in a couple hours and hope that we finish the work tonight.  In all im pissed off dont wan

Well, the menatal health issues continue, I had the police do a wealfare check on me and ended up in the ER again. I want this life over no exceptions just done.  Nothing works my world falls apaart and they worried about proceedure. Yeah she was quick and efficient but dont really listen tried to make her side of the story the one to go on record and around and around we go. They are rude obnxious and treat me like I am causing a big hassel.  Next time I will OD and go sit on my rock, least I can die in peace. Fuck this town, fuck the assholes in it and more importantly fuck those who think they know whats right for me even though I have 10 years direct experience.

The last couple of days have been hard, my lithium levels are now at .2 and falling kidney function is back to normal.  All good with one exception, I have blocked out what happened to me. I should be angry, I should want to scream from the roof tops, I was 12 hours from dying, but I don't.  I just feel numb.  Please don't get me wrong there is a tension inside, a boiling uncontrolled feeling.  It scares me, I need to bleed. I don't mean to physically cut myself, but to unsettle myself, make myself upset, to release the tension.  My psych is worried I may act out, I am strike out as a release.  Me im worried I will fly into a rage and seriously hurt someone.  Its possible with the past I carry with me.  Its almost like my mind is scared to deal with what has happened. I tried meditation but to no avail, but the tension is showing in my dreams, and ohh god they are shocking right now.  So numb it is but soon real soon I need to bleed I need the release. Horse

(so that you will understand and wont cry for this man cause low man is due, please forgive me) Hi guys.  Its been a little while since I last posted.  Today I would like to say I am coming to you from a beach, at my desk or even from on holidays, but im not.  I have spent the last 6 nights in hospital with Lithium Toxicity. They also have issues with my kidney function that they "found" and is  now a reason they want me to stay for more time. IF they don't allow me to go I will sign myself out.  I have been crying non stop I cant cope with being in here and happy to see renal as outpatients but think I will meet resistance. Please remember with health care you have a right to refuse. The only time they can force treatment is if your life is in immediate danger Love u all Horse Ps post title is from song called low mans lyric