The Old Tin Shed

Its been a tough couple of weeks for me, a lot of things that I don't want to discuss here have had me tied up in knots. In the end it will all be over by the weekend and will allow this end of the world to return to some form of normality.  Im heading to be early tonight with the goal tomorrow of actually cleaning my office and sorting out clothes that fit and those that don't.  5 more sleeps and normality returns to my life for a while.  In the end I know everyone has bad days I just seem to have more than most.  I think I due to the psych later in the week and man are we going to have an interesting discussion. I find people are so cruel to me.  They say all the right words about understanding mental illness but when it comes down to it they don't.  Words like suck it up, get more treatment I got better why cant you yous just lazy.  What pisses me off no end is 9 times out of 10 these are people who think having situational depression is the s...

First of all, Happy New Years, glad to see you all still around. The day after boxing day, I started in earnest on a diet.  I know I have tried this multiple times over the past year, but I am doing well, having lost 5 Kgs so far. Trust me this is far from easy, food and the comfort it brings me, makes for a very complex relationship.  You see when I was in my early 20's I was blond haired blue eyed, built guy with the 6 pack and huge chest.  I did a couple of modeling shoots as well.  I had made the commitment to fitness and health.  But it all changed for me.  The reasons are complex and at the time I made a myriad of excuses as to why I let myself go.  Mostly it was the repression of my attraction to men, I didnt see why I should look after myself if I had to live the way I did.  Over time eating badly and not exercising became habit, but it became more than that. It became a comfort when I was unwell, and at the same time made me unhappy...

Another one of my musical posts, that I promised you I would annoy you with.  This is a bit of a classic, but I was unable to listen to it for many years.  Amazing how when a song is close to your life it stirs up feelings you would rather not have. My Dad is gone now, we lost him after a huge battle with cancer lasting most my adult life, his end was horrible, wasted by the cancer and in pain that they could not manage.  I was not there for the end, I just could not do it.  I had left him 2 weeks before, knowing it would be the last time.  But somehow there was peace in his eyes he knew it to.  I miss him terribly some days, I have his photo above my desk. Anyway listen to the lyrics of this song and don't ever let a conflict get between you and the ones you love.

If you don't like in depth observations then please don't read this post.  This post is about a lost generation of young men, who are now approaching 40, who have spent their life in silence. What am I on about ?  There are two parts to this blog post, 1 about boys who became men and were same sex attracted and 2 boys who became men carrying a too often deadly illness. I am from both groups, I have an in depth view of what it is like to be in both situations, and I have met online and real life men in both groups.  Below are my observations of those people and my own terrible experiences. The first group, is probably the one that is most unseen.  I grew up in a rural community where adherence to the christian faith and the churches teachings were paramount.  Jokes about gay men were derogatory and often were used to guide someones decision making process.  I went to a catholic secondary school and was active in my community, I had a large group of fri...