Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Alone and Lost in Paradise

Think this song covers how I feel right now.  Im tired and down so this feeling should be expected thats for sure.

Please enjoy and check out their other music, in particular "hello", "lies","sober".  all great songs

Hope you are all well or at least better than me


Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Eve of War ?

Hi all;

Over the last couple of months a huge Geo political change has been underway, china is exerting its new found place in the world and the USA is moving to block it.  How do we find ourselves at the eve of war and why do I think or believe that this may be the case.

First lets talk about the reef's in question, the are atop potentially huge reserves of oil coal and gas that all neighboring countries want a part of.  China's claim to the south China sea is steeped in history, and the control of the waters has moved back and forwards between all of the countries bordering the region.  This is one of those situations where in normal circumstances diplomats would go back and forward and an non violent solution would be found, and although no country would be entirely happy a conflict would be avoided.

But this is far from a normal circumstance.  The USA is strong and experienced after a decade of conflict not just that, we have advanced our weaponry on a scale not seen since the second world war.  We in the west have developed new weapons and tactics our potential enemy in china does not have.  China sees this as its divine right.  By building these islands it gets a further 20 miles of border a border the USA uses with Japan and its allies for movement of shipping aircraft and Naval equipment.  The USA will not recognize the new borders and here in lies the road to war.

So why war.  Both sides are spoiling for the fight.  China wants to extend its power and influence and the USA wants to show the rest of the world its not afraid of its nuclear armed adversary.  From a US prospective it could be said it would be in there interests to have this war, and I agree it could.  The USA has a lot to lose having China pushing around its allies.  It also would have its right to have free trade impeded and we know that the USA would never ever allow either of those things to happen even if it threw the USA and the world into a true Global war.  Nato block countries would surely end up included as would most of the non western aligned countries on the side of a potential enemy.

In a conventional conflict the USA and NATO should prevail, but now we must talk about the thing that  gets my skin crawling.  All of those involved have access to or have their own nuclear arsenal, the question becomes who would use theirs, how much would they use and what would the response be from the other side.  Remember that both Russia and the USA have the bulk of all of these weapons.  China is testing a Mach5 delivery system and we know the USA is up to something with its current X space vehicle. At the least 2 weapons are used and two cites turn to dust, worst the USA launches an all out response halving the world populations in matter of minutes.

You ask why I say the USA, its because it has the most to lose here, and they are the only county in the world who has used them in anger.  A war where the stakes are this high it would be forced into a situation where proportionate response would no longer be a road it could take. The scenarios from this point forward are frightening.  An all out tactical nuclear deployment in Europe and between India and Pakistan would also be on the cards.  Millions and millions of lives could just be snuffed out in an instant.

Its a set of dire situations that will bring the human race to the edge of existence. I hope that we can avoid this, I hope the reality of it all sinks home to our leaders.  However I have little faith that they have the will or the ability to work this out.  Then it becomes a situation of who is the strongest.  I studied the politics leading up to the first and second world wars as part of my High School certificate, and things look awfully familiar and equally as scary.  The arms race is on stockpiles are being built.  We are on the road to war, unless someone says enough.  Will that be you ?


Thursday, May 28, 2015

Lost and slowly dying

Hey all;

Another move completed, but im not well.  I have not recovered from the hospital stay even though they think I have.  I have been trying new med combo's but not to much  luck with pTSD added to my list of illnesses things are slowly getting worse.

I'm on Valium nearly daily to deal with the anxiety and acrophobia I suffer.  My psychiatrist thinks its related to the depressive side of the illness and we are now supplementing valdoxan with another antidepressant.

Secondly after nearly 4 years this site is dying, its either become irrelevant or to hard for people to deal with.  I will make my mind up over the next couple of weeks as to if I will close it for good or will keep blogging with the hope it will get read.

I never did it for the numbers I did it to help, but with no one reading I am not helping anyone.


Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Lost a beautiful boy

Lost my kitten today.  We moved hnouse over the last week and had kept the kittens inside until yesterday.  All went well they had a riot outside.  Let them out as I was heading out for doctors and the mechanics today thought nothing of it.  

4 hours later I arrive home and my neighbors on the driveway side of the house called me over and introduced themselves and then gave me some horrible news.  That beautiful grey kitten in the picture below had been torn apart by the other neighbors ridge backs while I was away.  They rushed him to the vets but it was to late.

Calling the council tomorrow but not hopeful much will be done.  Im going to go see him tomorrow, say goodbye like I have for every other animal I have owned.  He was a great cat loving and close.  The neighbors responsible haven even bothered to contact us that just makes me angry.

So to my kitten GT I love you and miss you already.  Im sorry I failed to protect you, and I hope you can forgive me.


Saturday, May 9, 2015


What I find amazing is that even today a true poet can make amazing music recently discovered poets of the fall.

Check out the Carnival of Rust single and War. Lyrics are something special

Thursday, April 9, 2015

So lets talk shall we.

My blog of late has not been a nice place.  That goes with my life and everything in it.  Since I was hospitalized for 4 days I have not been the same mentally nor have I had the ability to get back to that point either.

THey took away lithium because of the drug interations, now I have it back but it will be another week before I see it helping.

So I am a sad confused old man, driving in the wrong direction to get to a store only to be told so by the pleasant girl where had all the boxed chips gone.  I know I was confused after that she helped me to the car.  Then I got angry at myself and came home.  Im angry about lots of things.  I lost my cigar cutter cigar and lighter all seperatly this week. havent found the cutter yet.

I should be raving on about how annoyed I am with the world but right now the last thing I can do is concentrate on that.  I just want to be left alone.  I now offically have PTSD, well duhhh there is a surprise took 2 trips to the hospital by ambulance and a 4 day stay for them to work that out.  FFS i know its not rocket science but I tick all the boxes.

Im angry tonight going to bed now.  I want to just go stupid and fuck the consequences but I know that is the illness speaking rather loudly.  Pray for me tonight I don't think I can do this on my own.

To much has happens to quickly.  Someone will pay the assholes who nearly killed me will compensate me and apologies to me and the others they have maimed 

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Anger Remains

Im Still angry;

Im angry that someone one of my friends called the police, Im angry that I am out of control, all I wanted to do to the policeman that came here was to hurt him and his partner.  The paramedics the works.  LEAVE ME ALONE...

I know legally that they cant, but im so angry of being put through it all.  For what to be sent home anyway.  Why cant I end my life the way I want.  Why must I live like this.  Its all well and good till shit happens and my world falls apart and no one can say anything or do anything to make it better.

I warned the hospital I would pay for each day they had me there and now I am, so fuck me more reason to want to sue the whole fucken lot of them.  No drug interaction warnings nothing yet its known to have killed 350 people.  Fuck me is that not a reason to add 1 line to the warnings list.

Im angry and im over everyone.  I go to sleep now need to be up in a couple hours and hope that we finish the work tonight.  In all im pissed off dont want to be alive and suffering because of it.  Welcome to my hell