Adoption
Well this is the first of one of those heavy life changing blog posts that I will do from time to time. This topic is very close to my own heart and what is my meaning of family.
Some 38 years ago my parents picked up a baby boy blue eyes blond hair. He was not born to them but to another woman. For reasons still unknown to that child today, she decided that she should give me up for adoption.
They say that children make a family, that they are often the glue that holds a family together when times get tough. My family wasn't like that. Within a year of my adoption my sister joined the family she was also adopted.
What did I mean when I said my family wasn't like that. Its not that my parents were bad parents, in fact they tried their very best. But they had one hurdle that they could never possibly cover. That both of us showed psychological signs of illness because we had been adopted. Most if not all children who are adopted have some kind of separation issues.
I spoke with mum about this recently. She said that dad had said if they had it all over again there is no way they would adopt. When I asked why, mum said because they were given no support no tools to help us kids deal with being adopted and everything that goes with it. Mum also pointed out that my mental issues were probably made worse because they didn't know how to deal with me, or that even the behavior was incorrect. Its known that your chances of becoming mentally ill increase dramatically if one of your parents is ill. Its probably fair to say that my biological mother could have been ill, i.e. the illness put her in a position to get pregnant.
Adoption is not ideal. Not ideal for the child or the host family, but it is far better than the foster child system. My Parents did their best but unfortunately for all, they were not given the tools to make things smooth. Often a fight with myself or my sister would put the whole household on edge for days. I look back now and see that a lot of those acting out issues were directly related to me not wanting to be abandoned again.
Part of my illness is my wanting to please everyone, I am super nice even to a point where I destroy myself to get approval from others. It is criminal what has happened to me over the years as people have worked that out. Moreover when I am ill I create a world where I think I can help everyone. Its self destructive but my need for approval from those around me pushes me to extremes. You see something fundamental changes when you take a child from its birth mother, a bond that has developed in those first months of life is broken. The problem is it can never ever be fixed. Even in the event of birth mother and child meeting and answers given its not enough.
No pictures on this post. Its not something that should be taken lightly. I understand childless couples wanting to adopt, I just hope for the child's sake its easier on him than it has been on me
Some 38 years ago my parents picked up a baby boy blue eyes blond hair. He was not born to them but to another woman. For reasons still unknown to that child today, she decided that she should give me up for adoption.
They say that children make a family, that they are often the glue that holds a family together when times get tough. My family wasn't like that. Within a year of my adoption my sister joined the family she was also adopted.
What did I mean when I said my family wasn't like that. Its not that my parents were bad parents, in fact they tried their very best. But they had one hurdle that they could never possibly cover. That both of us showed psychological signs of illness because we had been adopted. Most if not all children who are adopted have some kind of separation issues.
I spoke with mum about this recently. She said that dad had said if they had it all over again there is no way they would adopt. When I asked why, mum said because they were given no support no tools to help us kids deal with being adopted and everything that goes with it. Mum also pointed out that my mental issues were probably made worse because they didn't know how to deal with me, or that even the behavior was incorrect. Its known that your chances of becoming mentally ill increase dramatically if one of your parents is ill. Its probably fair to say that my biological mother could have been ill, i.e. the illness put her in a position to get pregnant.
Adoption is not ideal. Not ideal for the child or the host family, but it is far better than the foster child system. My Parents did their best but unfortunately for all, they were not given the tools to make things smooth. Often a fight with myself or my sister would put the whole household on edge for days. I look back now and see that a lot of those acting out issues were directly related to me not wanting to be abandoned again.
Part of my illness is my wanting to please everyone, I am super nice even to a point where I destroy myself to get approval from others. It is criminal what has happened to me over the years as people have worked that out. Moreover when I am ill I create a world where I think I can help everyone. Its self destructive but my need for approval from those around me pushes me to extremes. You see something fundamental changes when you take a child from its birth mother, a bond that has developed in those first months of life is broken. The problem is it can never ever be fixed. Even in the event of birth mother and child meeting and answers given its not enough.
No pictures on this post. Its not something that should be taken lightly. I understand childless couples wanting to adopt, I just hope for the child's sake its easier on him than it has been on me
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