Away again
Yeah well im down in Brisbane again for school, and after a very frustrating 10 weeks all in our class finally got clarification on what we were supposed to be learning. In all again a worthwhile trip but the financial cost is becoming significant thank god im not back her for another 2 months.
I have been very introspective this evening, about me and my place in the world. But more importantly how by doing this study that I become something far more than just me. The power of counselling and of any psychological science is to enable the individual concerned. Whether that be by helping them through blockages in their own psychological makeup or helping them by providing services like emergency housing. In short you get to make a difference.
So why should I be introspective? That is complicated, but in short because I now realize that everyone who has been part of my treatment over the past 8 years has had a passion about service delivery. Each of them in their own way trying to help me through what has been a soul destroying life changing event. I have learnt so much and gained so much insight not just into myself but into others. Hearing someone else story validates my own, and allows me to be vulnerable and accept that my life will be messy.
Its only through accepting me as the person I am now, can I gain any confidence in my ability to move forward. I know I am going to have bad days. As can be attested by this blog. But although they feel like the end I have to have the confidence to know that I can move on, even if it hurts. I feel I am now moving into a stage of my life where change is far more important to me, that somehow I now invite it and therefore the uncertainty that goes with it.
By uncertainty I mean, will I keep myself in check? Will I try and destroy all that is dear to me again ? Can I cope with full time work ? But most importantly. do I have the strength, the will and the skills to make all of this happen for me ? I dont have answers for any of those questions, and I now realise that that is ok, that it is part of me, and therefore I should welcome and accept the challenge that each of those things provides.
In the end it is to accept that I am human, that no matter how much I will it, my life will always be messy, that I cant make it neat and tidy, to put the picket fence around it. But now for the first time ever I think I might be fine with that.
I know at times this has been tough to read, my blog is a journey through my life my illness and me as I change and move on. I hope that in some way I can look back on all the posts in the years to come, and see how much further I have come. I also hope in some way I have informed and given hope to others about being mentally unwell. I hope they take away the undeniable strength that it shows, even at my weakest. The next trick is to learn to love me, that may take a while longer.
I have been very introspective this evening, about me and my place in the world. But more importantly how by doing this study that I become something far more than just me. The power of counselling and of any psychological science is to enable the individual concerned. Whether that be by helping them through blockages in their own psychological makeup or helping them by providing services like emergency housing. In short you get to make a difference.
So why should I be introspective? That is complicated, but in short because I now realize that everyone who has been part of my treatment over the past 8 years has had a passion about service delivery. Each of them in their own way trying to help me through what has been a soul destroying life changing event. I have learnt so much and gained so much insight not just into myself but into others. Hearing someone else story validates my own, and allows me to be vulnerable and accept that my life will be messy.
Its only through accepting me as the person I am now, can I gain any confidence in my ability to move forward. I know I am going to have bad days. As can be attested by this blog. But although they feel like the end I have to have the confidence to know that I can move on, even if it hurts. I feel I am now moving into a stage of my life where change is far more important to me, that somehow I now invite it and therefore the uncertainty that goes with it.
By uncertainty I mean, will I keep myself in check? Will I try and destroy all that is dear to me again ? Can I cope with full time work ? But most importantly. do I have the strength, the will and the skills to make all of this happen for me ? I dont have answers for any of those questions, and I now realise that that is ok, that it is part of me, and therefore I should welcome and accept the challenge that each of those things provides.
In the end it is to accept that I am human, that no matter how much I will it, my life will always be messy, that I cant make it neat and tidy, to put the picket fence around it. But now for the first time ever I think I might be fine with that.
I know at times this has been tough to read, my blog is a journey through my life my illness and me as I change and move on. I hope that in some way I can look back on all the posts in the years to come, and see how much further I have come. I also hope in some way I have informed and given hope to others about being mentally unwell. I hope they take away the undeniable strength that it shows, even at my weakest. The next trick is to learn to love me, that may take a while longer.
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