Rage, hate, destruction
Im not great today, trigger by events from yesterday, im so angry I dont know how to cope. Im turning the hatred on myself, because it must be my fault, that it happened.
After all I am supposed to be the smart on the one people fear in board rooms, where I can dismantle the most complex stories and show the true meaning behind things. This gift this ability comes from the illness and I pay for it. I am sick of taking meds, I think after 10 years I get the right to say that, even though they have paved a better way of life for me, there are times I think I would have been better not being treated at all.
I quite simply dont want to be here because yet again when I went to get my medications from the drug store they were denied me. It was a med I can not do without full stop. I got it in the end at another drug store but it should never have gotten that far. I am crippled without my meds and now mentally im crippled when I go to get them expecting them to turn me down.
I see nothing but blackness ahead, I have no idea what to do when John retires, and having to try and get someone like him again I doubt will ever happen. Another reason that I should end this life as it only gets worse for me. I need to leave everyone for good, to escape the pain and suffering to escape the issues that are coming I have no solution for. I know some people will miss me but most wont even notice im gone. There will be no need for a funeral as no one will attend.
The only two people who care enough to miss me are Eric and Aaron. I dont think many others would even shed a tear
ok off to bed then decide if I want to be here any more.. I have enough to end it.
Horse
After all I am supposed to be the smart on the one people fear in board rooms, where I can dismantle the most complex stories and show the true meaning behind things. This gift this ability comes from the illness and I pay for it. I am sick of taking meds, I think after 10 years I get the right to say that, even though they have paved a better way of life for me, there are times I think I would have been better not being treated at all.
I quite simply dont want to be here because yet again when I went to get my medications from the drug store they were denied me. It was a med I can not do without full stop. I got it in the end at another drug store but it should never have gotten that far. I am crippled without my meds and now mentally im crippled when I go to get them expecting them to turn me down.
I see nothing but blackness ahead, I have no idea what to do when John retires, and having to try and get someone like him again I doubt will ever happen. Another reason that I should end this life as it only gets worse for me. I need to leave everyone for good, to escape the pain and suffering to escape the issues that are coming I have no solution for. I know some people will miss me but most wont even notice im gone. There will be no need for a funeral as no one will attend.
The only two people who care enough to miss me are Eric and Aaron. I dont think many others would even shed a tear
ok off to bed then decide if I want to be here any more.. I have enough to end it.
Horse
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