Recovery a begining and an Ending
Well its been a few days since I posted. A lot has happened to be recently and to be honest I havent had the mental energy to sit and tell you anything.
My relationship with my partner of 5 years is over. We had drifted apart, we are still friends and I hope it to remain that way. There has not been an argument or a fight just a realization that we were no longer in love with each other. For me he distance emotionally and lack of intimacy was in the end to much. For him he felt I had gotten to needy on both those things. So the impasse was not resolved.
So its an ending, yet another one in my life but we will both be better off for it, and I can stop walking around on egg shells every time he comes home. The reality of it all has started to hit home from his side this past couple days. He is slowly getting shut out of my daily life, and he is finding that hard to deal with.
I have been out a lot these last weeks, partly because I needed to feel like a man again, that I was attractive to someone, and I will be honest, just the want to have no strings attached sex. So shoot me. Now everything I have done has been safe, I learnt that lesson many years ago, its why I have no children and no disease.
I have during this process met someone completely different. Not normally a person I would even consider sleeping with, or even contacting. But fate intervened and I have made an amazing friend at this point and after I have had a chance to be me for a while maybe something more. He makes me smile even on days I really don't feel like it.
So I have been flat hunting I have an approval for one in one of the more central areas of the city, just a block from the famous strand and all of the cosmopolitan life that it brings. I will be in walking distance to my best mates, and I am looking forward to living on my own for a while.
I have been having a mixed mood state since the meltdown that nearly killed me, we are adjusting meds at the moment to try and bring everything back into some form of stability. Its been hard and to be honest I think this past 5 or 6 weeks have been the hardest of my whole life. I was in a relationship but I was alone an isolated in a way that is unhealthy for me. In the end the illness was a factor in the breakup, it was always going to be.
Its hard still being in the same house we have to see each other and he has been jealous of my sleeping around and my new friend. But he has no right to tell me how I should act and how I should recover from the meltdown and the end of the realtionship.
Do I trust my judgments right now ? No, but I have no other answer than to do so. If its wrong its wrong if its right it will be great. I know it will end somewhere in the middle. In the end its all about me now, and as such I must become more self reliant, and to rely on my friends who have stepped up to help me out.
There were some dark days back there, I was so unwell I didnt want to be here anymore, and life has taught me again that after every ending there is a beginning, I met someone amazing because of an ending and who knows after a while it might be my new beginning. I feel lucky today I dont feel that often
Horse
My relationship with my partner of 5 years is over. We had drifted apart, we are still friends and I hope it to remain that way. There has not been an argument or a fight just a realization that we were no longer in love with each other. For me he distance emotionally and lack of intimacy was in the end to much. For him he felt I had gotten to needy on both those things. So the impasse was not resolved.
So its an ending, yet another one in my life but we will both be better off for it, and I can stop walking around on egg shells every time he comes home. The reality of it all has started to hit home from his side this past couple days. He is slowly getting shut out of my daily life, and he is finding that hard to deal with.
I have been out a lot these last weeks, partly because I needed to feel like a man again, that I was attractive to someone, and I will be honest, just the want to have no strings attached sex. So shoot me. Now everything I have done has been safe, I learnt that lesson many years ago, its why I have no children and no disease.
I have during this process met someone completely different. Not normally a person I would even consider sleeping with, or even contacting. But fate intervened and I have made an amazing friend at this point and after I have had a chance to be me for a while maybe something more. He makes me smile even on days I really don't feel like it.
So I have been flat hunting I have an approval for one in one of the more central areas of the city, just a block from the famous strand and all of the cosmopolitan life that it brings. I will be in walking distance to my best mates, and I am looking forward to living on my own for a while.
I have been having a mixed mood state since the meltdown that nearly killed me, we are adjusting meds at the moment to try and bring everything back into some form of stability. Its been hard and to be honest I think this past 5 or 6 weeks have been the hardest of my whole life. I was in a relationship but I was alone an isolated in a way that is unhealthy for me. In the end the illness was a factor in the breakup, it was always going to be.
Its hard still being in the same house we have to see each other and he has been jealous of my sleeping around and my new friend. But he has no right to tell me how I should act and how I should recover from the meltdown and the end of the realtionship.
Do I trust my judgments right now ? No, but I have no other answer than to do so. If its wrong its wrong if its right it will be great. I know it will end somewhere in the middle. In the end its all about me now, and as such I must become more self reliant, and to rely on my friends who have stepped up to help me out.
There were some dark days back there, I was so unwell I didnt want to be here anymore, and life has taught me again that after every ending there is a beginning, I met someone amazing because of an ending and who knows after a while it might be my new beginning. I feel lucky today I dont feel that often
Horse
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