Adoption a solution or a recipie for disaster ?
I know this is a topic I covered last year, but my thoughts about adoption continue to change over time as I learn more about my own and others experiences.
You see adoption is seen as a nice clean solution for both the child the child's mother and family and the family that adopts the child. But its not that simple.
Firstly overseas adoption from poor countries. This has me all worked up, why should we in the west or even the wealthy east have the right to buy a child. Our wealth gives undue influence to a poor woman or family about giving up a child. Like harvesting body parts from the poor of India to be used in the West. I find this difficult to swallow. I know right now I am about to get howled down by all those childless families about how desperately they want a child.
Here in lies another major problem. Because these families so badly want children they raise them up onto a pedestal that the child cannot possibly be. They treat them and make them into the perfect child no matter the cost to the child's health. They forget that children who are adopted need special treatment to ensure they stay healthy. Its not as easy as it sounds both myself and my sister were adopted and both of us have now in later life required special care because of the scars of adoption. I have read many many stories of being treated like fine china only brought out on special occasions. Parents so strict that children cant be children they are turned into these idealized clones. I was 30 before I realized it was ok to fail every now and again. If I failed as a child I was beaten until I didn't. So many people I have spoken to have had similar experiences. So you tell me is this healthy?
I know agencies do thousands of checks on potential parents that they try and make sure a child is safe. But you know they can never ever get it 100% right. Why? because people are people. Adoption is far from the perfect solution for anyone involved. So forgive me readers when I get worked up when I hear about adoption advocates talking about the rights of the parents to have a child. The rights of the mother to have a life without the burden of a child that she cannot afford. Forgive me when I see these carbon cutout perfect children made by parents wanting the perfect life. You see I see the whole thing as based in greed and lust.
You need a license to drive a car, you need an education to work on a production line, but you just have to fuck to get a kid. There is something really really wrong with that. If my mother simply had used a condom, I wouldn't be here and all of the suffering that was wrought on my adopted family me and my friends would never have happened. I think it is morally bankrupt for a woman to do that, I think it is morally bankrupt that a father would leave a child unsupported. I also think it is morally corrupt to force a mother to give up a child for a supposed better life.
There is no real solution here, group care leads to child abuse and disadvantage that goes on for generations. Education to stop unwanted pregnancy the freedom of a woman to choose, and even more important the realization that no matter how great the parents same sex or otherwise that it may not work out. I love my mother but I cant stand her, I have no one in my life I can look at and see me in. Its something so many take for granted. The men in my family did their best with me my grandfather and father fought so hard to help me, but they failed because they were never given the skills. I feel gratefull to have had them. I am wracked with the guilt of my father asking me if he had failed me the last time I saw him. He was genuine he thought he had, and I am afraid for a long time to come that will be with me.
Adoption is a messy solution, to those so desperate for children of your own, look deep into the eyes of a child with a lost soul and ask yourself, "do I have the skills to save this child?" I can tell you with a great deal of certainty your own need to have a child will color your answer. The tens of thousands that make up the statistics cant be wrong, and they prove you dont have the skills.
I will close this with these thoughts. If I had never been born then a huge series of events that have hurt hundreds of people would never have been put in place. If I had not been born my father and grandfather would never have felt so helpless when it came to my care. If I had not been born my birth mother would never have had to make the heart wrenching decision to give me up. Had I not been born I would not have to live through periods of excruciating mental anguish, and times of complete confusion and helplessness that is becoming my life. I was a child who was wanted no matter the cost, by a confused barren woman who wanted nothing more than dolls who grew up. Now she is desperate and more needy of me and my sister than any other time in our lives. Its greed and self first that destroyed my birth mother and my family. I dont hate my sister but I cant see her as a true sister we have nothing in common and to be honest we clash because we carry the same flaws.
Safe sex is the only answer and for those who are childless find another way of fulfilling your selfish need.
You see adoption is seen as a nice clean solution for both the child the child's mother and family and the family that adopts the child. But its not that simple.
Firstly overseas adoption from poor countries. This has me all worked up, why should we in the west or even the wealthy east have the right to buy a child. Our wealth gives undue influence to a poor woman or family about giving up a child. Like harvesting body parts from the poor of India to be used in the West. I find this difficult to swallow. I know right now I am about to get howled down by all those childless families about how desperately they want a child.
Here in lies another major problem. Because these families so badly want children they raise them up onto a pedestal that the child cannot possibly be. They treat them and make them into the perfect child no matter the cost to the child's health. They forget that children who are adopted need special treatment to ensure they stay healthy. Its not as easy as it sounds both myself and my sister were adopted and both of us have now in later life required special care because of the scars of adoption. I have read many many stories of being treated like fine china only brought out on special occasions. Parents so strict that children cant be children they are turned into these idealized clones. I was 30 before I realized it was ok to fail every now and again. If I failed as a child I was beaten until I didn't. So many people I have spoken to have had similar experiences. So you tell me is this healthy?
I know agencies do thousands of checks on potential parents that they try and make sure a child is safe. But you know they can never ever get it 100% right. Why? because people are people. Adoption is far from the perfect solution for anyone involved. So forgive me readers when I get worked up when I hear about adoption advocates talking about the rights of the parents to have a child. The rights of the mother to have a life without the burden of a child that she cannot afford. Forgive me when I see these carbon cutout perfect children made by parents wanting the perfect life. You see I see the whole thing as based in greed and lust.
You need a license to drive a car, you need an education to work on a production line, but you just have to fuck to get a kid. There is something really really wrong with that. If my mother simply had used a condom, I wouldn't be here and all of the suffering that was wrought on my adopted family me and my friends would never have happened. I think it is morally bankrupt for a woman to do that, I think it is morally bankrupt that a father would leave a child unsupported. I also think it is morally corrupt to force a mother to give up a child for a supposed better life.
There is no real solution here, group care leads to child abuse and disadvantage that goes on for generations. Education to stop unwanted pregnancy the freedom of a woman to choose, and even more important the realization that no matter how great the parents same sex or otherwise that it may not work out. I love my mother but I cant stand her, I have no one in my life I can look at and see me in. Its something so many take for granted. The men in my family did their best with me my grandfather and father fought so hard to help me, but they failed because they were never given the skills. I feel gratefull to have had them. I am wracked with the guilt of my father asking me if he had failed me the last time I saw him. He was genuine he thought he had, and I am afraid for a long time to come that will be with me.
Adoption is a messy solution, to those so desperate for children of your own, look deep into the eyes of a child with a lost soul and ask yourself, "do I have the skills to save this child?" I can tell you with a great deal of certainty your own need to have a child will color your answer. The tens of thousands that make up the statistics cant be wrong, and they prove you dont have the skills.
I will close this with these thoughts. If I had never been born then a huge series of events that have hurt hundreds of people would never have been put in place. If I had not been born my father and grandfather would never have felt so helpless when it came to my care. If I had not been born my birth mother would never have had to make the heart wrenching decision to give me up. Had I not been born I would not have to live through periods of excruciating mental anguish, and times of complete confusion and helplessness that is becoming my life. I was a child who was wanted no matter the cost, by a confused barren woman who wanted nothing more than dolls who grew up. Now she is desperate and more needy of me and my sister than any other time in our lives. Its greed and self first that destroyed my birth mother and my family. I dont hate my sister but I cant see her as a true sister we have nothing in common and to be honest we clash because we carry the same flaws.
Safe sex is the only answer and for those who are childless find another way of fulfilling your selfish need.
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