The people who choose not to listen.
Hello all;
Its been a few days since my last post and time is marching on already into the new year. It will be easter before we know it. I noticed the supermarkets are selling eggs already.
But today's post is not to do with that its to deal with something that in the past week has caused me to get extremely pissed off with people close to me. When I go to the trouble to say something at least give me the respect to listen. 3 times in 3 days I have had to repeat myself and something I said because someone hasn't listen the first time and then they try to blame me for the predicament they find themselves in. I hate the inclination that I was somehow to blame because they did not listen to the advice I had given them. Its annoying beyond belief and made me quite angry.
I think I mentioned in a previous post that my Psychiatrist, is quite worried about the amount of anger I am carrying and the potential for someone to inadvertently push me into some kind of major event. Given my non fear of death or pain, and my violent past, he is worried I will lash out. I haven't done that yet, instead I beat myself up for most of the day, trying to understand what I had done wrong to get to this point. I came to the conclusion that I was not responsible, that the truth laid with those with whom I was angry. They had done the wrong thing by not listening to what I had to say and that the events that happened because of that belonged to them.
I cant and wont take on guilt for things others choose to do, or in this case refuse to do. They need to learn not to lean on me, I have enough of my own problems without trying to save people from themselves. I hate being the one everyone turns to, the one who will put himself out to help others and then have them run away.
In the middle of this I have taken on a project to be honest scares me shitless with am I able to do this, I know I have the technical ability but I wonder if I have the stamina left. So many people drawing from me and 10 days before I need to start to implement the new project. I need sleep right now and lots of it. I need everyone to leave me alone so I can get some rest or I run the risk of a major mental event, im not stupid in this respect I know what I have asked of myself, its risky but I am hoping the end results will be great.
So I sign off this post with well wishes for all during the coming weeks. I may be away for a few days but will be checking back and forward as things progress, I may even do a post or two let you know how I am going. May peace be with you all
Horse
Its been a few days since my last post and time is marching on already into the new year. It will be easter before we know it. I noticed the supermarkets are selling eggs already.
But today's post is not to do with that its to deal with something that in the past week has caused me to get extremely pissed off with people close to me. When I go to the trouble to say something at least give me the respect to listen. 3 times in 3 days I have had to repeat myself and something I said because someone hasn't listen the first time and then they try to blame me for the predicament they find themselves in. I hate the inclination that I was somehow to blame because they did not listen to the advice I had given them. Its annoying beyond belief and made me quite angry.
I think I mentioned in a previous post that my Psychiatrist, is quite worried about the amount of anger I am carrying and the potential for someone to inadvertently push me into some kind of major event. Given my non fear of death or pain, and my violent past, he is worried I will lash out. I haven't done that yet, instead I beat myself up for most of the day, trying to understand what I had done wrong to get to this point. I came to the conclusion that I was not responsible, that the truth laid with those with whom I was angry. They had done the wrong thing by not listening to what I had to say and that the events that happened because of that belonged to them.
I cant and wont take on guilt for things others choose to do, or in this case refuse to do. They need to learn not to lean on me, I have enough of my own problems without trying to save people from themselves. I hate being the one everyone turns to, the one who will put himself out to help others and then have them run away.
In the middle of this I have taken on a project to be honest scares me shitless with am I able to do this, I know I have the technical ability but I wonder if I have the stamina left. So many people drawing from me and 10 days before I need to start to implement the new project. I need sleep right now and lots of it. I need everyone to leave me alone so I can get some rest or I run the risk of a major mental event, im not stupid in this respect I know what I have asked of myself, its risky but I am hoping the end results will be great.
Horse
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