I wasnt going to write this
As he heading suggests I wasn't going to write this. I have been busy so busy in fact that I took today off, first time since last week of Nov I even worked Christmas day.
I have neglected my needs and although I am happy to be doing something there is a real risk I will make myself unwell.
Given the complexity of the work I am not surprised that I have been the way I have, its been hard I did 12 hours straight yesterday to fix an issue. But I fear that this is just the begining of my January spiral down.
Every year around this time I crash and crash badly, firstly this time of the year is hard because I miss dad,I last saw him just 6 days from now, and I really wish at times I could have that moment again. I yell at mum to grow up and get over him, yet I am struggling just as hard with his loss. I want to be able to go through one christmas without feeling like someone took the best part of my heart away.
So this year we are trying more lithium to see if that fixes things for me, so far so good, but I feel the undertow of unhappiness there. In all the next 60 days will decide the next 5 years of my life, and either way its going to be stressful.
Having a MI is neither simple nor easy, it interferes in ways most people would never understand. I would really like to walk away from everything and be on my own but all that would do is isolate me and make me more open to the bad bits of my illness.
Horse
I have neglected my needs and although I am happy to be doing something there is a real risk I will make myself unwell.
Given the complexity of the work I am not surprised that I have been the way I have, its been hard I did 12 hours straight yesterday to fix an issue. But I fear that this is just the begining of my January spiral down.
Every year around this time I crash and crash badly, firstly this time of the year is hard because I miss dad,I last saw him just 6 days from now, and I really wish at times I could have that moment again. I yell at mum to grow up and get over him, yet I am struggling just as hard with his loss. I want to be able to go through one christmas without feeling like someone took the best part of my heart away.
So this year we are trying more lithium to see if that fixes things for me, so far so good, but I feel the undertow of unhappiness there. In all the next 60 days will decide the next 5 years of my life, and either way its going to be stressful.
Having a MI is neither simple nor easy, it interferes in ways most people would never understand. I would really like to walk away from everything and be on my own but all that would do is isolate me and make me more open to the bad bits of my illness.
Horse
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