The Joy and the Misery

Sorry to all I have been a little lapsed in my posting, I seem to go through these periods, but that doesn't mean that I have forgotten about you all.  I was actually sitting down to write this about a week ago, but as life does it got in the way.

Well we are in the lead up to Christmas, with it being exactly 1 month away now.  Once again my thoughts turn to buying presents for those that mean the most to me.  Its been a long year in a lot of ways, for me it has been hard. 

My illness took a very big turn for the worse in the first half of the last year, and I still haven't returned to the place I was before that.  Such is the nature of the illness, so now I cope using the skills I have learned over the last nearly ten years and work for a solution that will keep me safe for another day.

Sleep is still a key factor in my ability to cope with everything, and I have found that I am coping better thanks to a new more rigid time frame for sleep.   I'm still taking a large number of medications and they seem to be working for the most part.  That however doesn't stop the anxiety the voices and hallucinations when they want to be around.  Having said that I am fairly proud of myself I managed to go to a 21st last weekend and not freak out by the number of people or the noise.  That was something new for me.  I have in the past found it difficult to be around even a dozen people at once.

There have been some developments on the work front we have a fairly big client backing up and I am also going to be providing a new web page and internal IT support services.  Something that I have avoided in the past.  But I think if I take on this sort of work to supplement the backup services then it will all work to my betterment.  Its a big thing to trust ones self to be reliable enough to take on this kind of work.  The good thing is its not a daily thing support happens in spits and spurts so nothing followed by intense activity. 

I'm proud of the backup servers we created and the service we created around it, it has been nothing but rock solid since the client came on board and has done everything I have asked of it.  Shows I do have some idea of what I am doing.  No I will be honest here, I am very very good at IT I have been my entire life.  It kind of comes natural for me to play with IT systems and learn intuitively.  I understand the nature of nearly all the problems I encounter in IT and have a set of tools I use.  Not much stumps me in the long term that's for sure.  I am very very happy with the levels of security and the smart self healing NAS systems we have in place.  These are things that a decade ago were only dreamt of and today I have it all at my fingertips, pretty amazing when you think about it.

So for Christmas I don't buy a lot of people things, even though I enjoy giving, its hollow if you don't care for the person.  There are very few people in my life that I give enough of a fuck about to buy presents.  My Mum and My Partner are the primary ones.  I always get my psychiatrist a basket every year to say thanks.  That's about it.

I don't really expect any presents in return, same as I don't care for cards much either.  Memories should never come from things, but from remembering times and places for what they were.  Another one of those twisted things I believe.

So this ramble comes to an end, im sure most of you are saying thank GOD for that... No I wont go there other than to say a news item mentioned that Christianity could be dead in a generation, lol well someone woke up and smelt the cow dung didn't they.

Ok take care peeps will post something more coherent in a couple of days.

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