Was listening to my extensive play list on youtube tonight and this song was playing

It reminded me of how much I have changed over the past decade.  I used to care so much what people thought of me, and I tried to conform to those expectations.  But it was doomed to failure as it should be.  You see you should always be you and never ever try to be something your not.

I nearly ended up in the ground from my attempts and I am positive it made my illness worse.  The anxiety that was associated with the whole inability to be everything to everyone, and the fact I could never ever be who I wanted not even for a minute, lead to me attempting to take my own life.

Body image is a big one for so many young people I feel sad that they feel they need to do that to themselves.  I feel sad that like me until recently they dont realize that people will love and cherish them without all those things they think they should have or should be.

Me personally when I was young I was a beautiful person, blond haired blue eyed god.  I have the photos to prove it.  But I realized early on that that was never going to be enough that in the end it just made me like everyone else that I hated.  Now I am a fat bald man lol, and to be honest I really don't care that much what people think of me.  I know I am loved and to an extent I always will be.

Anyway enjoy the video.



  1. Evening Horse, long time no blog for me, hope your doing OK.

    I also feel sorry for kids growing up today, far more pressure on them to confirm to some kind of crazy norm


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