Defeated but not out

I know my posting has been at best haphazard these last couple weeks but with the med change and everything it hasn't been the easiest of times.

During medication changes there are several measures as to whether the medication is going to provide a better solution than existing medications.  Firstly its how it makes me feel in the head.  ie can i think can I remember short term.long term, can I put a concept together, the dreams or lack of.  All very important metrics.  The last medication change to Sapharis was successful in the that I could put concepts together only so therefore it was a failure on this front

Secondly what are the side effects of the medication.  Sapharis like most anti-psychotics gave me bad cravings for carbs.  Changed the way my food tastes. I gained nearly 4kg in 17 days, so on this front it was a major failure also.

Unexpected reactions.  It was envisaged that the new med would help me sleep without the need for sleeping medications.  I had the opposite reaction my body simply would not shut down, spent an entire 48 hours awake with only a short 30min nap.  This is really bad lack of sleep feeds my psychosis.  The drug failed here also.

So with a lot of thought I removed the new drug and went back to the old one.  Within 24 hours nearly everything was back to normal, within 48 all the side effects had worn off as well.

What I suppose did it for me was when I was taking opiates two to three times a day, I lost memory of everything short term for over a week.  Im sorry to say this but I have lost enough days in my life without adding to it by doing this.

Well I could think of this as a failure but its not.  I took a gamble on making my life well again, to see if I could get a little bit better that a new drug could give me something I don't have now.  Its not a failure but a further exploration of my illness.  It also had the side effect of reminding me of how far I have come, being that unwell reminded me why I fight like I do.  It was a big step to put my health at risk but I came through no worse off than I was before hand.  Good planning and understanding of what the drug needed to do for me allowed me to transition back at any point without the negatives.

I must thank my doctor for all of this he is fantastic and has made me what I am today, which is better than what I used to be and for that I must be thankful

Thanks for all your support peoples, We passed 20,000 page views today, im simply blown away

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