Ive been Away
I have been away for quite a while now, I haven't forgotten this place, but I needed to find some things out on my own without the crutch of this site. I have made some very good posts here in the past and I am proud of the volume of work that I created.
But I look back, and realise how much I enjoyed the act of writing. Writing has been a great stabilising effect on me and my life ever since high school. I write short stories in my spare time, and they have enabled me to explore thoughts whims and serious topics that are close to my own heart.
Since we last spoke I have added some ink to my skin, despite what everyone who doesn't like tattoos I love what I have done. I have never been normal, I am not normal and this is just a way to make me not look like every other fat bald 40+ something year old. Plus I have always wanted ink just could never make up my mind what I wanted. I have 3 pieces I think each shows a side of my personality and im now planning my 4th piece. I will upload some photos of what I have and explain in another post.
On the mental health side I have not been well. I have been up to the hospital for help and I am currently leaning heavily on my health carers and lifeline to get me through. I have had nearly all my teeth taken but that is for another post. But needless to say the teeth set of PTSD and only now am I coming out the other side.
There are major changes ahead on my mental health front and I hope they make my life better because right now I cannot see me taking these meds for another 10 years its just to much to ask of me, im not stupid with my own insight and that point of taking the meds forever is breaking me down
Where to from here with my mental health is anyone's guess the reality is I will continue to suffer long term from a group of illnesses that I have no cure for and will be till I take my last breath. Im scared of driving people away, its hard to be around me at times.
I worry about my future when im unwell, and when the truth came out about Robbin Williams and why he took his own life, I feel two things. I cry because I lost my favourite clown, a brilliant actor, and from all accounts an amazing man. Im sad he is gone. Then there is a second darker feeling, I envy him. He left this world the way that he wanted, he wasn't going to suffer and pass away for everyone to poke at. Instead he took his life with dignity and grace no suffering.
The older I get the more I see the world for what it is, I see the stupidity of people and their imagined self worth. I see religion for what it is, and I think the more important thing is that I see me for what I am and now because of that things are going to change. Without change I am nothing, and I cannot expect to have a better life or to be extraordinary in everything I do.
More importantly right now there is a love in my life that I never want to leave, one day I will be allowed to put a ring on it till then he is my everything.
But I look back, and realise how much I enjoyed the act of writing. Writing has been a great stabilising effect on me and my life ever since high school. I write short stories in my spare time, and they have enabled me to explore thoughts whims and serious topics that are close to my own heart.
Since we last spoke I have added some ink to my skin, despite what everyone who doesn't like tattoos I love what I have done. I have never been normal, I am not normal and this is just a way to make me not look like every other fat bald 40+ something year old. Plus I have always wanted ink just could never make up my mind what I wanted. I have 3 pieces I think each shows a side of my personality and im now planning my 4th piece. I will upload some photos of what I have and explain in another post.
On the mental health side I have not been well. I have been up to the hospital for help and I am currently leaning heavily on my health carers and lifeline to get me through. I have had nearly all my teeth taken but that is for another post. But needless to say the teeth set of PTSD and only now am I coming out the other side.
There are major changes ahead on my mental health front and I hope they make my life better because right now I cannot see me taking these meds for another 10 years its just to much to ask of me, im not stupid with my own insight and that point of taking the meds forever is breaking me down
Where to from here with my mental health is anyone's guess the reality is I will continue to suffer long term from a group of illnesses that I have no cure for and will be till I take my last breath. Im scared of driving people away, its hard to be around me at times.
I worry about my future when im unwell, and when the truth came out about Robbin Williams and why he took his own life, I feel two things. I cry because I lost my favourite clown, a brilliant actor, and from all accounts an amazing man. Im sad he is gone. Then there is a second darker feeling, I envy him. He left this world the way that he wanted, he wasn't going to suffer and pass away for everyone to poke at. Instead he took his life with dignity and grace no suffering.
The older I get the more I see the world for what it is, I see the stupidity of people and their imagined self worth. I see religion for what it is, and I think the more important thing is that I see me for what I am and now because of that things are going to change. Without change I am nothing, and I cannot expect to have a better life or to be extraordinary in everything I do.
More importantly right now there is a love in my life that I never want to leave, one day I will be allowed to put a ring on it till then he is my everything.
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| One day mate one day. |
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