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Showing posts from December, 2013

Merry Christmas

A Merry Christmas to you all.  Another year is coming to a close and I want to thank each and every one of you who have taken the time to read my blog. Its been a tough year and a tough existance all round but the world moves on and so must I. Please all be safe, if you must travel please please take it easy, and take the time to enjoy your family and friends after all thats really what its all about Horse

Wheels within Wheels circles within circles

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One of the biggest things I deal with daily is paranoia.  Now its not the tin foil hat type the governments watching me.  I know that bits true thanks to Mr Snowden and co.  Its about how I interpret things.  An example of something simple.  Was at the supermarket tonight, I always try and go through the same girl, I find her pleasant and she has always got a friendly smile.  I will often wait a little longer so I can go through her register.  Well tonight as I was walking up she closed her register.  Now a normal person would see that as something simple like she is going on a break or going home.  But to my paranoid mind, its part of a pattern.  A pattern of people not wanting to be around me.  So next thing I am checking my phone to see when last people called me. It escalates from there to sending those I havent heard from this week a text message, trying to find out if I had done something wrong. One thing sets of another and then another, until im confused and unable to i

Where I live

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I have just come in from watching the documentary series Coast.  The current series is about Australia, and they just had an episode of my favorite part of the country. Now I know it is normal to look at ones own country with pride we all do it.  But I think somehow Australia is different an environment baked in the hot southern sun for a million years.  Its an Island a Country and a Continent, that in itself is unique.  I am lucky I have seen great swathes of this country I have been to its dead heart, and to its western and eastern borders.  I have seen the sky touch the horizon and so many stars it would take a life time to count them all.  Its remote and increadibly beautiful, and at the same time modern and complex.  Australia my home is an amazing place. I have been into the heart of this country a few times now, and one thing that always strikes me is how timeless it all is.  If I was to die out there even a monument to my passing would fade away before it was noticed. 

So I talk again about the pain

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Hi all, warning this may end up long.   Then again that seems to be theme with me of late.  I was trolling through my past posts and noticed with great pride that my most popular posts were about my struggle with mental illness.   It seems that others have been reading and in the end that is exactly why I bear my soul here. http://theoldtinshed.blogspot.com.au/2012/07/to-see-into-darkness.html  Above is one of my favorite posts and, has been read a lot by others.  Some of the themes in there I wanted to elaborate on today.  You see the darkness I talk about is not a quantitative thing.  To others it would be a nice place.  But to me its a place that scares me, where the insecurities and evil intent live. Its never a nice place to go or to see.  I have stared at myself in the mirror and what I saw churning beneath the blue eyes really scares me.  If I let it run, if I gave in the fight the outcome for me would not be good and for others probably far worse.  I recognise the nasty