The Old Tin Shed

Hello all; Its been a few days since my last post and time is marching on already into the new year.  It will be easter before we know it.  I noticed the supermarkets are selling eggs already.  But today's post is not to do with that its to deal with something that in the past week has caused me to get extremely pissed off with people close to me.  When I go to the trouble to say something at least give me the respect to listen.  3 times in 3 days I have had to repeat myself and something I said because someone hasn't listen the first time and then they try to blame me for the predicament they find themselves in.  I hate the inclination that I was somehow to blame because they did not listen to the advice I had given them.  Its annoying beyond belief and made me quite angry. I think I mentioned in a previous post that my Psychiatrist, is quite worried about the amount of anger I am carrying and the potential for someone to inadvertently push ...

As the title suggests I don't want to be here any more tonight.  Its time to take meds and allow sleep to take the sad away.  Will be taking the jagged pill of course, but that sometimes makes things worse not better.  I dont have my boy to keep an eye on me, so I guess Im doing this on my own. I shouldnt be feeling this way but I am, im worried about my future and ultimately im worried about what happens next with me.  I have images in my head of people finding me laying on the top of the bed dead.  Me escaped the illness and life at the same time.  Its a feeling from my damaged soul, tonight I may want to sleep with the angels but will they want to sleep with me BP sucks.   Just the nightly dose happens every day how do you think it makes me feel to have to swallow all that.

Im being a bit naughty tonight, no its not yet another hookup for some blindness sex, its something way better. I have my bully staying the night, I will get cuddles and a tongue bath for a wake up in the morning, have a lead here so will walk her when I get up. Been struggling hard this past 4 days and John suggested that having her here might help me.  So although the complex allows dogs the land lord does not.  But for one night at least she can stay here. I have a really tight 6 weeks coming up, im kind of really down over it all.  Its the last of the hangover from the move and will I hope finish an end of having more expenses than income.  I have an advertising plan all sorted and costed just no money to do it.  Im going back to the way I built my first business and its a method that works. More importantly I helped a client make  a smart decision this week, he seems to have some confidence in me again and I hope that means I can make some more...

Yeah that's right when does it happen?  When does the world full of conman and thieves give up their trade and leave the rest of us alone.  When do the people in my life leave me alone and not demand things of my I could not possibly supply. In the end it will be me laying on the bed lifeless taken the pills that were needed to get me there. Its no ones fault just my own for ever thinking I could reach outside my safety dome,  Really dumb and stupid thing to do considering my current level of existence.. death whispers in my ear that it can come take all of this away. tonight he wins that game night all Edit:   It was another bad night, been having way to many of them as of late, all brought on by stress.  I just want out of this existence (not a life) that I am enduring again.  Im not happy at all, not even remotely so.   I just want away somewhere where I can start again, I have so many reasons to be happy but none of them are my reaso...

Hi all been a few days, just thought I would give you an update on my med status and how I feel in general right now. Firstly let me say that Valdoxan has been a major success for me so far.  The initial agitation and side effects have now passed and I have found that mentally im stronger and able to deal with stress better on this medication. Importantly I feel I have more confidence when things go wrong.  For example my car has an intermittent fault at the moment and its taking a while to locate and fix.  Normally the anxiety associated with this would have me heading for a Xanax.  Instead im cool calm and collected about the whole thing.  Yes I am anxious but its more than manageable. As you will have noted have had a tough couple weeks relationship wise, but we seem to be through it and things have definitely changed for the better between us.  I know a few of my posts during this period h...

Firstly let me say that what is below was written by me about 5 days before my mental breakdown, that started my journey.  It was posted on a blog at the time, one I have left abandoned, partly to leave that time of my life behind, but also because what was written there was part of my soul that was in anguish and its to easy to re-live those feelings. Now I know in the wake of the last couple of posts that you guys might be getting worried about me.  Yeah I am still hurting and parts of me want to save this but my head says no.  I am in no immediate danger of hurting myself, I am re- posting this to let others know that they are not alone when it comes to mental pain.  Where it was originally posted I had over 500 comments. HERE IS YOUR WARNING THIS IS NOT NICE, IT COULD BE UPSETTING TO SOME PEOPLE, IM NOT JOKING AROUND HERE.  IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES THIS MAY NOT BE FOR YOU TURN BACK NOW. I don't want to wake tomorrow I...

Today is a classic example of how unstable I can be at times.  I went to bed early last night (around 11.00pm), with the intention of having a full day of work today.  So the sleep went ok, and I got a lot of research done that I wanted to do.  Was hoping to study today.  But I came to the reality a couple of hours ago, I am never going to finish the study that, no matter how much I ideally want to do it, its just not going to happen. Now I start paying off the debt I have incurred in the idea of studying.  Thing is when I do the work I get High Distinction marks all the way through.  I'm quite good at it.  But I cant be consistent enough to do it.  Not with other things distracting me for my attention.  And the days I can barely function on my own let alone try and take information in. Its this type of destruction that has seen me fail at almost everything I have attempted to do since I was diagnosed. ...