The Old Tin Shed

This is one of the hardest of all questions that we as humans can ask of ourselves.  Some people spend a life time in deep spiritual contemplation seeking the answer to this very question. Now not to take from those people but inside us all is the answer to that question.  Whether or not we like the answer is a different story.  nearly 15 years ago now I looked to see who I was and what I saw scared me, I attempted to make changes to change that person.  In hindsight it was a terrible time of my life to be doing it and it was a contributing factor to my breakdown. More recently I have looked again and seen someone completely different, this person is broken yes and at times wants his life to end.  But he is kinder, cares about others more than himself, and has finally found the thing he had hoped he would find.  A person who cares about the truth above everything else.  I don't suffer fools or liars well.  I accept people for who they are but ...

Hey all; well the cycle continues im crashing and fairly hard at that. Physically unwell I caught a stomach bug over christmas and my usuall complaints left me on 4 lots of anti biotics this past week. Im over tired, I am stressed and I have been having thoughts of suicide once again.  Been to the point of planning in my head how I will end it.  What I will leave behind and ultimately what I believe will happen to my body and my soul once I die. It cant be right to be punished this way, I have paid more for my mistakes than any man on earth I am sure.  Tonight I am sitting here sleep not coming like it should.  I have taken the normal med supply will delve into the extra's shortly. So why do I say its a cycle.  Every year since my breakdown I come off a kind of manic high and collapse into a depressed state.  No its worse than that I fall into a place where I no longer care if I wake up tomorrow or not.  Where I no longer care what people thi...