The Old Tin Shed

Its been a very stressful 24 hours and I am not joking on that front, more car related issues and only 4 days before I must take it on a 6000km journey.  Its called cutting it fine. But today’s post isn’t about that, its about Regrets.   You see as I have gotten older and had this illness longer things that I had forgotten are slowly creeping back.  At best I cringe at worst, im terrified of what I did.  You see out of control I could and would do just about anything. I wish somehow I could break from the shackles of these memories to erase them.  To take away the hurt I feel about them and the embarrassment I caused myself in the process.  Whoever said they could live their lives with no regrets is a far better person than me. Now I know a lot of what went on was my illness and not the real me, but it scares me that it happened at all.  I want to distance myself from them but at the same time I understand that they are part of ...

This is not a rant, its not something bad that will bore the crap out of you.  Its just some observations after self evaluation again. I havent been that well the last 10 days have had to take some very major steps to keep myself in check, have been to see the doctor and have taken on some extra support.  But I am dealing with it as its happening.  Everyone around me is amazed at how I am keeping myself in check. But this is more about me, and not the illness its more about the observations I have taken since the trip to Brisbane.  I see myself as two different people.  I see the person I show the world, and the person who lives in my world. The person I show the world is controlled, has insight into his world both emotionally and in a general sense. At times it shows the me underneath but only when it can stay in control of the events.  I try my best to be honest with the world, to show the real me.  It has been something I have kind of...

Hi all been a few days, just thought I would give you an update on my med status and how I feel in general right now. Firstly let me say that Valdoxan has been a major success for me so far.  The initial agitation and side effects have now passed and I have found that mentally im stronger and able to deal with stress better on this medication. Importantly I feel I have more confidence when things go wrong.  For example my car has an intermittent fault at the moment and its taking a while to locate and fix.  Normally the anxiety associated with this would have me heading for a Xanax.  Instead im cool calm and collected about the whole thing.  Yes I am anxious but its more than manageable. As you will have noted have had a tough couple weeks relationship wise, but we seem to be through it and things have definitely changed for the better between us.  I know a few of my posts during this period h...