The Old Tin Shed

Hi all; Well been away from home since my last post.  I have travelled over 3900kms and been to see a specialist in Ballarat.  I have had my car in for long awaited repairs that I could not get sorted at home, and I get to pick it up tomorrow. More importantly I havent killed mum, though I have been close.  I hope if I get paid early next week to head home to see my boys and my partner on Wednesday.  Hopefully with a car that is running on song and will be enjoyable to drive. In all should be a good week if I get paid on time if not... I will get grumpy and blast the client in only the way I know how lol. Hope your all doing well, mentally im ok but very very tired.  Been sleeping badly at night here not sure why, but I cant wait to get into my own bed. Catch u all later Horse

You know I have been sitting here tonight after the last post, taking stock of my life and what I want for myself and my future.  The last couple weeks have been a bit of a watershed for me. You see normally I don't do much for me, I normally get the greatest satisfaction helping others, but this diet has made me see things in a completely different light.  To look at me in a way that I haven't since my late teens early 20's.  Back then I was a well built man blond hair blue eyes and a smile that would melt the hardest heart.  As I have stated things changed for me, and I just went into hiding. What do I mean by that ?  I mean I no longer wanted to be seen for what I was, I was hiding a big secret and that secret was enough to make me not care what happened to me or how I looked.  I grew a beard when that wasn't fashionable and disappeared into food. The diet has made me rethink how I see who I am, I want to be seen a...

Hey all, decided I should drop by and give you an update on the weight loss, and how its progressing. The 28th of this month saw a full month of weight loss under my belt, and me still steadfastly dedicated to seeing this through.  I have had the odd weak moment when, I think why should I bother any more, and I will admit that in the middle of last week I had a weak moment while I was out and ordered a burger. But what they say is true, falling off the horse isn't a bad thing as long as you get back on, and I did that alright.  Although it slowed my weight loss down quite a bit, things soon swung back into the groove.  My daily losses are not as consistent now, I have the odd couple days that I see no net loss, but overall I am still loosing nearly 1 Kg (2.2 pounds) for every 6 days I am dieting,  This is by far a more sustainable weight loss amount than that of the first couple of weeks. I'm down under 116 Kgs (255.7 pounds) ...

First of all, Happy New Years, glad to see you all still around. The day after boxing day, I started in earnest on a diet.  I know I have tried this multiple times over the past year, but I am doing well, having lost 5 Kgs so far. Trust me this is far from easy, food and the comfort it brings me, makes for a very complex relationship.  You see when I was in my early 20's I was blond haired blue eyed, built guy with the 6 pack and huge chest.  I did a couple of modeling shoots as well.  I had made the commitment to fitness and health.  But it all changed for me.  The reasons are complex and at the time I made a myriad of excuses as to why I let myself go.  Mostly it was the repression of my attraction to men, I didnt see why I should look after myself if I had to live the way I did.  Over time eating badly and not exercising became habit, but it became more than that. It became a comfort when I was unwell, and at the same time made me unhappy...

Its something that we all experience, and there are multiple types of pain.  For the purposes of this post we are talking about emotional pain. Some years ago now I took a very serious step and tried to end my life.  I drove my car at high speed into a fairly large tree.  I wasnt successful obviously, but I was broken and damaged in ways people could never imagine. We use the word pain a lot in mental health, its used to cover a wide variety of feelings.  I can tell you from experience you never want to feel the pain I felt that night.  Even the pain from the crash didnt come close to the pain and emptiness that had become me. My carers often ask me would I do it again ?  Would I try to harm myself ?  I answer I don't know.  Believe it or not its the truth.  I cant say no I wont, because given that level of pain I might again decide no life is better than a life of never ending suffering.  People find this so hard to deal with, pri...

Well this is the first of one of those heavy life changing blog posts that I will do from time to time.  This topic is very close to my own heart and what is my meaning of family. Some 38 years ago my parents picked up a baby boy blue eyes blond hair.  He was not born to them but to another woman. For reasons still unknown to that child today, she decided that she should give me up for adoption. They say that children make a family, that they are often the glue that holds a family together when times get tough. My family wasn't like that. Within a year of my adoption my sister joined the family she was also adopted. What did I mean when I said my family wasn't like that.  Its not that my parents were bad parents, in fact they tried their very best.  But they had one hurdle that they could never possibly cover.  That both of us showed psychological signs of illness because we had been adopted.  Most if not all children who are adopted have some kind of...

So, the theory goes like this.  Your traveling along in life, you have been getting gradually better and better wages and your lifestyle adjusts, the new house, the new car, the boat etc etc etc.  You borrow more because you have the ability to pay back more, ie 4 credit/store cards not one.  So you work to live so you can pay your bigger bills. So what happens when it all comes undone.  You lose your job, you fall ill, someone uses your credit and marks you for life. I have been there, I had all of the above and more, had a great business I had built, and one day my illness got the better of me and I lost everything.  Took a while but it did happen.  I was making a big salary had the cars and all the toys.  Went from that to nothing nearly overnight.  What I find interesting is even though the money wasn't there any more I continued to spend as though nothing had happened. I remember thinking I will get out of this, I will think of somethin...