The Old Tin Shed

I have been away for quite a while now, I haven't forgotten this place, but I needed to find some things out on my own without the crutch of this site.  I have made some very good posts here in the past and I am proud of the volume of work that I created. But I look back, and realise how much I enjoyed the act of writing.  Writing has been a great stabilising effect on me and my life ever since high school.  I write short stories in my spare time, and they have enabled me to explore thoughts whims and serious topics that are close to my own heart. Since we last spoke I have added some ink to my skin, despite what everyone who doesn't like tattoos I love what I have done.  I have never been normal, I am not normal and this is just a  way to make me not look like every other fat bald 40+ something year old.   Plus I have always wanted ink just could never make up my mind what I wanted.  I have 3 pieces I think each shows a side of my pe...

Hi reader; Today isn't great, woke up this way.  Everything feels black even the sun.  I hear the dog's baying for my soul to devour it here in the blackness.  They want to take it all away to make me not exist, to make me a marked one. I have no defense against this, this overwhelming feeling,  I have no way of defending myself about the dark beasts that bay for my destruction.  Its dark hear and the pain unbearable, suicide has been on my mind since I rose.  But I don't think I have the guts to follow through. Makes me feel even more gutless and worthless than I already do. I hate what this does to me another part of me dies today, its worse than death by 1000 cuts. I wonder if I will ever leave this room even today, because right now the idea of going out scares me to death. Horse

Hi all, warning this may end up long.   Then again that seems to be theme with me of late.  I was trolling through my past posts and noticed with great pride that my most popular posts were about my struggle with mental illness.   It seems that others have been reading and in the end that is exactly why I bear my soul here. http://theoldtinshed.blogspot.com.au/2012/07/to-see-into-darkness.html  Above is one of my favorite posts and, has been read a lot by others.  Some of the themes in there I wanted to elaborate on today.  You see the darkness I talk about is not a quantitative thing.  To others it would be a nice place.  But to me its a place that scares me, where the insecurities and evil intent live. Its never a nice place to go or to see.  I have stared at myself in the mirror and what I saw churning beneath the blue eyes really scares me.  If I let it run, if I gave in the fight the outcome for me would not be goo...

Sorry to all I have been a little lapsed in my posting, I seem to go through these periods, but that doesn't mean that I have forgotten about you all.  I was actually sitting down to write this about a week ago, but as life does it got in the way. Well we are in the lead up to Christmas, with it being exactly 1 month away now.  Once again my thoughts turn to buying presents for those that mean the most to me.  Its been a long year in a lot of ways, for me it has been hard.  My illness took a very big turn for the worse in the first half of the last year, and I still haven't returned to the place I was before that.  Such is the nature of the illness, so now I cope using the skills I have learned over the last nearly ten years and work for a solution that will keep me safe for another day. Sleep is still a key factor in my ability to cope with everything, and I have found that I am coping better thanks to a new more rigid time frame for sleep. ...

Hi all, i know its been a couple weeks since I last posted.  But have found it hard to put into words what I have been feeling and how my outlook is changing. I think I might have mentioned a few times here that I find decaying things beautify, particularly buildings and factories.  There are so many great photos out there.  For a while now I have been wondering why I was so fascinated. I have come to the following conclusions.  Firstly a decayed building is no longer fit for what it was intended.  Its broken.  Yet through this decay it remains in tact but in a different way.  In most cases some work would bring them back to working condition.  The beauty lays not in what was, but in what is.  A place with no future just slow and painful destruction by mother nature. This I identify with because my temple my mind is in a state of decay.  No longer what it was, unable to work the way it was intended.  Yet I still have it. ...