The Old Tin Shed

Hi all I know a lot of my stuff has a dark edge but I think this one is a little different.  I actually pondered this on the way back from the city this afternoon. As far as I know we are all Mortal and do not know the time or date of our lives.  So I pondered this question today.  What if you somehow found out when you were going to die? What would you prioritize as the most important things to do? This is not a simple question to be asking, I found the more I pondered the more and more my ideas narrowed, until it came down to just  a couple of things.  Now I am going no where near religion here I am talking about practical more than spiritual things. So here is my short list. (1) Tell my mother I love her despite her flaws, and make sure she understood what I wanted when I was gone. (2) Tell my partner how much I love him and make love and sleep in each others arms (3) Tell my closest two friends how much they have meant to me over the years (4) Cry...

Before you read much further this post is from a personal perspective of dealing with mental illness in a relationship. So where to begin.  I have been in my current relationship for about 4 years, my partner is a lot younger than me, and that has been challenging in its own right, this being his first major relationship, just adds to that difficulty for me. I have always been up front about my illness, and most of the side effects of that, but that didn't stop me from doing the wrong thing when the relationship and our finances were under pressure.  He couldn't work for 5 months due to surgery, and well I don't get a lot of money, just enough to survive and I did my best to support both our needs. But to get through I paid a cost, a part of my personality that needs to fantasize about my actual place in the world.  This means all sorts of bad things were said and done, and expectations were let fall.  It was in a lot of ways history repeating itsel...

This is going to be one of those meandering posts I have from time to time. I went and saw my psychiatrist today, him and I get on very well.  Our conversations often cross over into mental health theory and treatments.  I recently watched an interview on the ABC about torture and how it effects people.  I ended up coming home with several periodicals and photocopies from reference materials. Its quite funny but i know should he and I ever sit down outside the office we would have the most amazing discussions. So how does this relate to the title of the post.  John made a comment of seeing the damage war and torture do.  We discussed a tipping point, a single event that before that people were normal and after that point are forever damaged.  I made the comment then comes the blackness. For the first time in 4 years I actually started to cry in his office.  Without realizing it I had unsettled myself.  You see...