The Old Tin Shed

Feel like crap, physically, and mentally im in a black hole.  I cant type properly which is causing me no end of grief.  Sometimes its never to have been born thats how I feel today and everything that goes with that. THe MI makes everything worse than it has to be, but it does not give you the means to ignore it. BP sux Horse

As the title suggests I don't want to be here any more tonight.  Its time to take meds and allow sleep to take the sad away.  Will be taking the jagged pill of course, but that sometimes makes things worse not better.  I dont have my boy to keep an eye on me, so I guess Im doing this on my own. I shouldnt be feeling this way but I am, im worried about my future and ultimately im worried about what happens next with me.  I have images in my head of people finding me laying on the top of the bed dead.  Me escaped the illness and life at the same time.  Its a feeling from my damaged soul, tonight I may want to sleep with the angels but will they want to sleep with me BP sucks.   Just the nightly dose happens every day how do you think it makes me feel to have to swallow all that.

Today's title was a comment made about how we live our lives on an online forum.  The thread was about what keep people going when they are at the bottom, not the meds not the treatment, but the little things that keep you safe. I hadn't commented till yesterday even though the thread has been active since Feb.  But it reminded me of the little things that keep me going.  My life for the past month has not been easy, I have been studying and getting ready for full time work.  On Tuesday I head south to Brisbane for the 3rd time this year, and to be honest I am anxious about any trip. I can feel myself cycling and believe it or not I am on my way down.  I have been sad a lot in the last couple months, even the me time I have been taking is not enough.  I have lots to be thankful for, I have a great partner, and an ability to help support myself.   But I feel as though I am coming up short.  No matter what I do it will never give me back what ...