The Old Tin Shed

One of the biggest things I deal with daily is paranoia.  Now its not the tin foil hat type the governments watching me.  I know that bits true thanks to Mr Snowden and co.  Its about how I interpret things.  An example of something simple.  Was at the supermarket tonight, I always try and go through the same girl, I find her pleasant and she has always got a friendly smile.  I will often wait a little longer so I can go through her register.  Well tonight as I was walking up she closed her register.  Now a normal person would see that as something simple like she is going on a break or going home.  But to my paranoid mind, its part of a pattern.  A pattern of people not wanting to be around me.  So next thing I am checking my phone to see when last people called me. It escalates from there to sending those I havent heard from this week a text message, trying to find out if I had done something wrong. One thing sets of anoth...

Well, after quitting the course I was doing last year because I felt I would be unable to complete it, a lot has changed.  Firstly I have had a change in medications, which has made a significant difference in my ability to cope with life in general.  But more importantly it has stopped the depressive inability to do anything problems. I wake up most days wanting to do something.   I am finding that I can concentrate for extended periods of time and I feel motivated to do something.  This has lead to me gaming again for starters and writing short stories.  Since my mental collapse and everything that has come with it, I have found it far easier to help others who are either stressed or not coping with situations in their lives. The course I quit last year was in counselling, but it wasn't recognized by any of my potential employers, so other than me not being able to finish it, it was going to end up being a huge waste of time and money. ...

Well today is a day that I have both dreaded and wished for.  Contradiction no.  I have wished for better medication, but dread what it means.  You see I made a promise to myself a long time ago, that I would do everything in my power to get better, to become some kind of "normal".  I hate that word, because no one is normal, yet it fits what I am trying to say. Part of this journey I have undertaken is a constant change of medications.  Its been a hard road many days to sick to even be awake. But my life and my ability to live have benefited greatly for it.  Yes there have been some steps back, but that is to be expected. Not every drug is going to work for me, such is the state of psychiatric drug therapy. So tonight I stand on the precipice again. I am willing taking a risk with my life, I am going to make myself unwell in the hope that a new medication will make my life better again.  Its a hard choice, at my doctors today we went ove...

Arrived home yesterday, had a reasonable nights sleep, and my body is recovering well.  The car was awesome just spent 3 hours cleaning it inside and out, couple layers of polish, rainx on the glass so its stays clear.  I like it, its quirky and French, but so nice to be in. Went over to see the mechanic today, he shook his head and says, you two must love those cars.  He is right we do.  Going to see how much to sort out a couple of the little issues that I need to do.  Found out today im $800 behind in payment for my now cancelled counselling course.  It was just to hard to commit to, especially deadlines with my brain. So will be paying that one off. This last trip was good for me, that and I think the new anti-depressants have taken hold.  I dealt with all the stress around the last 3 weeks well, no need for extra pills, or bombing out along the way.  I even dealt well on the trip when the sat nav died on me, right when I needed ...