Off to the Psychiatrist I go

Yeah well this was my 6 week regular visit.  I get along well with my Psychiatrist, we have an understanding about me and my illness.  You see ever since I became sick, I have been willing to go through just about anything to get better.

That means a lot of med changes, lots of withdrawal periods where I felt like dog poo.   He made an interesting comment today.  He said "you have been through hell, but you have never lost sight of the single goal to get as well as you can." I appreciate that because it has allowed me to do my job."

In a nutshell, that's it isn't it.  That its not just giving up expecting the medications to make you well, its about an attitude and how far are you prepared to go.  The insight I have over my illness is borne of desperation, to be normal. Yuck there's that word.  I'm not normal, but I fit the norm now.

We talked about my last post also.  About gaining something from the stress I endured last week.  The fact I didn't dive for the meds, but stuck it out.  He said what I have gained may stay, it may go and come back, but it was definitely a good sign.  Told me I should be proud of not getting overwhelmed, and dealing with the stress.  But he warned that I should not rely on the fact that I can deal with stress, because every situation is different, and every situation requires different tools.

When I asked about the writing, he said it was possible it would return.  He also admitted that anyone creative with BP finds the loss of the creative spark, is the most devastating trade off.  He suggested I keep blogging flexing my mental powers.  In doing so we may open the door that was closed to me, and I might begin to get the spark back.

In the end dear reader, I am still and always will be a broken individual, my life like others has been torn apart by mental illness, and even more so by my treatment from others.  I will spend every day of the rest of my life trying to get better, better than I am today.  Why ?  Because I don't want an ordinary life, I want an extraordinary life.  I wont settle for anything less.  After all when I finally shrug off this mortal coil, I want to be considered and enlightened soul, and you cant do that expecting the world to come to you.