Awake/Asleep

Just had one of those really unpleasant things you get when you take the number of meds I do.  I get trapped between being conscious and being in deep sleep.  I cant wake up and the dream is horrible to say the least.

Todays was every time I went to sleep a weight would fall on me and I couldn't breath, I would try to wake, and could just enough to breath then it would happen all over again.

Whats weird about todays dream, is its about a place I have been to a 1000 times in my dreams, its normally a happy place but today it was foreboding.  Every time I got close to the house I could not breath.  I could feel this pressure forcing me into the bed.

This is part of the reason I don't sleep without medication.  I wake constantly in fear like today.  Its not nice I am screwed up enough without taking some beautiful child hood memories and destroying them in a couple mins ( which felt like hours).

Anyway I am off to bed again hope this time the drugs can keep me under deep enough I don't get the conscious feelings of being awake when I am asleep.  Who ever said these mind altering drugs don't have some F***ed up side effects doesn't understand how powerful they really are.

So here is to stildem and the sleep I know it will bring.  FYI I am bordering mental exhaustion again and this time if I don't sleep I may end up in the psych ward.  Night terrors can bring you undone

Comments

  1. e.f. bartlamDecember 14, 2011 at 10:29 PM

    I hope you slept man. I really do.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The HorseDecember 15, 2011 at 8:52 PM

    Thanks; I ended up getting some sleep which helped me a lot. As I mentioned in the new post, I have been dozing on and off most the day which is certainly better than where I was this time last night.

    ReplyDelete

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