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Showing posts from March, 2014

Its time to write. WARNING THIS IS NOT NICE STUFF

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I have been home a week nearly now and to say I have been unwell mentally is an understatement.  But something happened on Tuesday night into Wednesday that has me on the verge of an extended stay in the psych ward. The long and the short of it I nearly died.  Its why that is complicated and the after affects have been devastating to me. It all started innocent enough.   I was exhausted and as such the voices were there giving me their version of my life.  I took xanax as a normnally do and went to bed.  THats the nornmal part of this story its what happened in the next 10 hours that changed me into a highly medicated person. I awoke some time in the morning with the voices so I went and took more xanax.  What I did not realise is during the next 45 mins I took another 4 full tablets.  (Yes thats enough to kill you) espeically since I had the night befores stll in the system.  I went to sleep and had this amazing dream about all the people that I loved who had passed on.  It was

I nearly met my maker

Hi; Well last 48 hours havent been great and this morning I swsa struggling to hang on to my life.  I have had bad voices and this has led me to tale xanax.  I knew I had taken to much when my dream only had dead people in it. I became aware I wasn't breathing and what followed for me was the worst nightmare ever.  I tried in vain to get my body to roll over to make me breath.  All the times things in the dream asking me to stay not to go. There was both peace there and panic I was on the verge of death.  The fact I am sill talking at all right now is just chance. 1/2 milligram more and you would have heard about my funeral. Death nearly took me this morning and if I hadn't been aware im sure it wouild have. Im  a little shaken right now,not sure when I will talk about this in the real world but im shaken  thats for sure. Horse

Im home

OK, I made it bloody long trip.  Now before you read any further this is about the car, and my getting to the end of the BS its been doing of late. While I was away I took my car into the French car specialist in Melbourne.  They did a bang up job identifying my surging loss of power issues.  In searching for the problem they found that there was no fuel in the car although the guage read 1/4 or above.  They grabbed a reco unit and put it in tested it and it worked. Fast forward a week of driving around keeping the tank full.  The car ran amazingly all its power back etc etc etc.  Now today was a short hop a mere 750kms.  Working on what the car holds I knew I needed a splash and dash (quick fill up around 10ltrs).  This is where things get strange.  I let the gauge drop below half, about half way between 1/4 and 1/2 full.  I was coming into town and thought I had plenty of fuel.  That was until the first round about (traffic circle for you American readers).  I took it as speed be

A post from Beyond

Hi all; Well been away from home since my last post.  I have travelled over 3900kms and been to see a specialist in Ballarat.  I have had my car in for long awaited repairs that I could not get sorted at home, and I get to pick it up tomorrow. More importantly I havent killed mum, though I have been close.  I hope if I get paid early next week to head home to see my boys and my partner on Wednesday.  Hopefully with a car that is running on song and will be enjoyable to drive. In all should be a good week if I get paid on time if not... I will get grumpy and blast the client in only the way I know how lol. Hope your all doing well, mentally im ok but very very tired.  Been sleeping badly at night here not sure why, but I cant wait to get into my own bed. Catch u all later Horse