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Showing posts from September, 2012

Alternator Arrived

The cars alternator arrived today, took it out of the box handed it to the mechanic and guess what..  The positive pole is broken off in the body of the alternator, in lay mans terms its fucked.  Contacted them via email with pics of the broken pieces etc, now we wait. Its already been 3 weeks since it broke down on me.  FFS..

Printers Again

Hey all, been a little while since I did an update on the CISS system I have installed on my primary network. I have an epson workforces 840, with wireless networking.  I purchased this printer because of its ability to duplex on the fly and to auto scan and fax.  To be honest its an amazing printer, we regularly print border less A4 photos off this machine, and we have them up all over the house.  To put it simply the CISS has made this a real possibility.  If I was paying for standard cartridges or even refills there is no way we could have afforded to print the number that we have. It really came into its own when a customer required full color hand outs for a promotion they were doing.  We printed a couple thousand of these and the CISS made it very cheap to do. The savings are great.  The whole CISS system including inks with the kit were around $100, I only purchased refills a month ago.  For $100 I have 2 full fill ups all colors.  Remembering that the CISS holds 10ml  whi

Earlier in the week

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Hey all this is rather long and talks about what has been going on with me on a mental health note most the week Earlier this week I fell into one of the biggest mental holes I have been in in years. I was travelling along nicely, dealing with the stress of the car off the road, and other relationship and family issues that were going on in my life.  Then suddenly late on Tuesday afternoon I diagnosed the problem with the car. It turned out to be a faulty alternator (more on this later).  I felt great, I had worked hard an consistently to reach that point, I had effectively used my resources at hand, and in the process probably saved myself thousands of dollars getting the car repaired at the dealers. There was a huge release of pressure and underlying stress.  As per usual, it made me feel pretty good about myself.  That I had proved that I could deal with high levels of stress and that I had gotten a lot better with my illness. Well in the end that's not what happened.  I

Car update

Hi guys.  Just an update the car is no closer to being fixed at the moment.  I am doing as much of the diagnosis of car issues as I can with the help of some online forums.  We have eliminated, a lot of things and are marching down the road to a solution.  Im dealing ok with it. As i mentioned a couple of posts ago I am dealing really well with this so far, thanks a lot to the valdoxan and and attitude that I am learning the car by doing all of the work.  And yes I have learnt a lot about my car over the past week or so.  If all else fails it goes to the dealer for diagnostics on the 3rd of next month.  I am hoping to have it sorted before then.  If not when they work out the issue I will have an answer and will have learnt something more. Unlike Mr Flimsy cups car problems for me are a chance to learn something new.  With all the electronics in the car there is plenty to learn thats for sure.  Modern cars are sensitive beings who like things just right or they wont go.  We have co

Just for giggles

Hey all.  Unless you have been hiding under a rock you would know that the Mayan Calendar ends later this year.  Many say it will be the end for humanity.  Me personally I think they should buy some tin foil and go hide under a rock somewhere. Anyway for giggles here is a link to a counter for the countdown to the end of Humanity Mayan countdown clock Just thought it was a bit of fun.

In the arms of an angel

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This is one of my  favorite songs.  I know a lot of people see it as a sad song but to me, its about the release of a tortured soul into eternal grace.  That is something to be happy about Lol a night of alternate music ahead

Angry Disgusted and Ashamed

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There have been very few times throughout my life that I can honestly say that I have been ashamed to be an Australian citizen.  I am normally very proud of what this country stands for and its values.  Well today I don't feel that way at all. Im not sure how many news services around the world reported the going on in Sydney a couple of days ago.  An illegal protest was arranged an it turned violent.  Sydney Riot To say I am angry and disgusted by these actions is an understatement, most Australian are, and average people are asking why should we allow these people in our society.  We are a free society where protest and being heard are part of the equation.  The violence was unacceptable leave your hate at the door when you come here or simply put most Australians don't want you here. It has brought out the best and the worst of the multiculturalism in this country, what happened is unacceptable and I think one image from the day says it all.   Hate is taught and I ca

New Med Update

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Hi all been a few days, just thought I would give you an update on my med status and how I feel in general right now. Firstly let me say that Valdoxan has been a major success for me so far.  The initial agitation and side effects have now passed and I have found that mentally im stronger and able to deal with stress better on this medication. Importantly I feel I have more confidence when things go wrong.  For example my car has an intermittent fault at the moment and its taking a while to locate and fix.  Normally the anxiety associated with this would have me heading for a Xanax.  Instead im cool calm and collected about the whole thing.  Yes I am anxious but its more than manageable. As you will have noted have had a tough couple weeks relationship wise, but we seem to be through it and things have definitely changed for the better between us.  I know a few of my posts during this period have been dark, but I posted them knowing a post like this would follow. Its import

Dont stop dancing

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This is the last post in this vein, but thought the previous posts would show people that even in our darkest hour there is hope.  I got through the bad stuff yet again, and I am well and happy and contented.  This song by creed has some interesting lyrics so thought you might be interested in a listen  Dancing" Ringtone to your Cell     "Don't Stop Dancing" At times life is wicked and I just can't see the light A silver lining sometimes isn't enough To make some wrongs seem right Whatever life brings I've been through everything And now I'm on my knees again But I know I must go on Although I hurt I must be strong Because inside I know that many feel this way [Chorus:] Children don't stop dancing Believe you can fly Away...away At times life's unfair and you know it's plain to see Hey God I know I'm just a dot in this world Have you forgot about me? Whatever life brings I've been through everything And now I'm on my k

Before the Breakdown

Firstly let me say that what is below was written by me about 5 days before my mental breakdown, that started my journey.  It was posted on a blog at the time, one I have left abandoned, partly to leave that time of my life behind, but also because what was written there was part of my soul that was in anguish and its to easy to re-live those feelings. Now I know in the wake of the last couple of posts that you guys might be getting worried about me.  Yeah I am still hurting and parts of me want to save this but my head says no.  I am in no immediate danger of hurting myself, I am re- posting this to let others know that they are not alone when it comes to mental pain.  Where it was originally posted I had over 500 comments. HERE IS YOUR WARNING THIS IS NOT NICE, IT COULD BE UPSETTING TO SOME PEOPLE, IM NOT JOKING AROUND HERE.  IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES THIS MAY NOT BE FOR YOU TURN BACK NOW. I don't want to wake tomorrow I dont want to wake up tomorrow

Things I find

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From time to time when I do my posts I come across stuff that is different.  Sometimes remarkable and disturbing.  When I was doing the images for my post yesterday, I cam across an image that I felt I could not apply to my post, but I still think it needed to be added to my blog. As I have posted here a lot over the last year being sorry is often not enough, yet the people we say sorry to do not understand that its from the soul.  I have so much to be sorry for.  Yet I still do things I need to be sorry for, even though I know its wrong.  I know due to the issues I have I will do it till the day I leave this planet. For that reason this image says it all. the guilt of not able to appreciate life thanks to the creator of this image and deviant art

Life in a fish bowl

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Before you read much further this post is from a personal perspective of dealing with mental illness in a relationship. So where to begin.  I have been in my current relationship for about 4 years, my partner is a lot younger than me, and that has been challenging in its own right, this being his first major relationship, just adds to that difficulty for me. I have always been up front about my illness, and most of the side effects of that, but that didn't stop me from doing the wrong thing when the relationship and our finances were under pressure.  He couldn't work for 5 months due to surgery, and well I don't get a lot of money, just enough to survive and I did my best to support both our needs. But to get through I paid a cost, a part of my personality that needs to fantasize about my actual place in the world.  This means all sorts of bad things were said and done, and expectations were let fall.  It was in a lot of ways history repeating itself.  Because I was