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Showing posts from July, 2012

What Keeps You Up At Night ?

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Well that really depends on who you are and where in the world you live.  But to the WHO its a pandemic. A world wide pandemic, could see death on a scale not equaled in human history.  There are several virus mutations that could go airborne that would cause carnage on that sort of scale.  Bird flu, and its many variations could prove to be fatal and easily transported.  Reality is our health system simply would collapse under the strain of a pandemic and people will die, not just in 5 and 10's but in the millions.  The spanish flu is a classic example of the death one could cause. The one that has me losing sleep would be a version of ebola.  That is one nasty piece of work with a deadly mortality rate. So how do we protect ourselves ?  The answer is we cant and we don't.  Anything that is airborne has the potential to move rapidly through populations, normally by the time its discovered many are already infected. So what do we do, keep living every day and planing fo

Letter to Dad

Hi all, this post is personal, and I have seen this done elsewhere, and thought it might be a good idea, so here goes. Dear Dad; There were lots of things I wanted to say to you, lots of things I wanted to do with you before you passed away.  There were things I wanted to know, about you and your youth, but its now too late for the both of us. So today I will write this letter to you, to do those things, and although I know you cannot answer me, I will know that you know how I felt about you and how much you meant to me. I want to say firstly I am sorry.  Im sorry I got angry at you, and refused to speak with you.  I was so upset that you kept things from me.  I felt like you didn't trust me with the truth.  I know now you were trying to protect me, but I couldn't see that then.  I still remember you trying to call me, and me not picking up, for that I am sorry, because we missed out on all those times together. I am sorry that my mental health caused you such anguish

Home and other things

Arrived home yesterday, had a reasonable nights sleep, and my body is recovering well.  The car was awesome just spent 3 hours cleaning it inside and out, couple layers of polish, rainx on the glass so its stays clear.  I like it, its quirky and French, but so nice to be in. Went over to see the mechanic today, he shook his head and says, you two must love those cars.  He is right we do.  Going to see how much to sort out a couple of the little issues that I need to do.  Found out today im $800 behind in payment for my now cancelled counselling course.  It was just to hard to commit to, especially deadlines with my brain. So will be paying that one off. This last trip was good for me, that and I think the new anti-depressants have taken hold.  I dealt with all the stress around the last 3 weeks well, no need for extra pills, or bombing out along the way.  I even dealt well on the trip when the sat nav died on me, right when I needed it. Something that would have seen me fall to pie

Does the Rain Dance

Hey all just a quickie (ooh that sounds naughty ).  Got the car today spending the night in Dubbo Central NSW.  Off to Rockhampton some 1000kms away tomorrow morning.  Car is awesome everything I wanted, couple minor things but they can be fixed.  Im more than happy with the outcome so far, ohh an yeah 580kms on 20 Ltrs is pretty good :) Night all off to sleep will update you again tomorrow.  Does rain dance around car, and slips into bed.

Well it happened today

I am happy to tell you all that the car hunt is now over.  I paid a deposit on this car  today, we have exchanged contracts and I have a full vehicle report being done tomorrow.  Would have loved the 2ltr sports version of this car, but well out of my price range. Has a nice 1.6ltr Premium Unleaded engine and all the mod conveniences that one would expect from a euro.  Will fly down Wednesday next week all going well and pick it up and bring it home. Kind of excited about it, I actually wanted one of these nearly 4 year ago now.  Funny thing was the it only became available in my price range this morning, so maybe it was a meant to be thing. Anyway back to some normality for a couple days then I am out of here

Looking for cars

Well early this morning we headed off to the local car auctions, and found a couple cars that we might be interested in.  In the end all 3 were hotly contested and well over budget in the end so we walked away empty handed.  The last car gave me a cold chill  as it was driven past, an ominous sign, so I didn't even bid. We then spent the afternoon walking around car yards, found  some potential candidates.  Test drove two sub 410K cars. Neither a real option.  Came home and worked out there is only 1 car for me so will call tomorrow and off to Sydney next week. Off to bed now exhausted

Deposit Paid

Hi all.  Deposit was paid into my account overnight, so have rushed around today and gotten two tyres and the interior trim piece ($45) which I thought was a great price.  The car has been roadworthy and I have all the relevant paperwork.  Called the buyer this afternoon to let him know the car can be delivered tomorrow for him. I will fit the trim in the morning, give the car a wash and a polish, detail the interior of the car and take the last lot of photos before it leaves.  Will finally be able to relax once the money is in my hand so to speak. I have called about this car  Alfa 156 JTS  , and I am very interested in it.  Also noted that at auction later this week a Ford Mondeo TDI is up for sale.  Pre Auction they want $11K so with some luck I may get it around 9K would mean no driving to go get it so to speak Ford Mondeo So wish me luck all, by tomorrow night I wont own the 380 any more and its time to move on and find something else to own

Its sold

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Hey all.  Just to let you guys know the car is sold.  He didn't even haggle on price which was nice.  Will get the car ready for him to take early next week.  Get tires remove the personalized plates, and fix two interior trims.  Then get the car to Gregs to get the safety certificate and we should be done.  Will drop the car off to him I hope Tuesday night.  My 18 month struggle with this car has come to an end. So here is hoping that the feelings around the car can now go, and I can move on to finding another car, that I can afford to run, and look after.  I have been looking at an Alfa Romeo 156 JTS, called the guy as soon as I knew my car was sold, only to find out he had another guy looking this afternoon.  Would love to own it But I now feel that I can put dad to rest in my mind, its time I let him move on, I will always wear his ring, and my grandfathers, but they are more personal and something I cherish.  The car hurts, you know even as it sat in the drive way today,

150 post + Update

Well my last post was post number 150, a bit of a milestone in the history of this blog and we are well past 10,000 page views.  I wish to thank you all again for reading, the fact anyone reads the blog is enough to put a smile on my face. Car update, the potential buyer called again tonight he is coming over tomorrow at 2.30pm to look at the car again and in his words "Do a Deal".  So I am hoping its all done and dusted by the end of tomorrow.  Then a mad rush to get it finished. Will keep you posted on all of it.

Teaching an old dog

Well we have all heard the phrase "you cant teach an old dog new tricks".  This is of course not entirely true. My mother and I have an interesting relationship, as multiple posts on this blog can attest.  To bring you up to date she has now moved house and my uncle has sold the place she was living in.  She is now begining to realise how difficult it can be to be a renter.  She has been asking since the day she moved in to put some hooks up for the collection of artworks collected over her and dads lifetime (some very nice stuff in the collection). The agent has been calling the owner who has not called back.  So I spent the best part of an hour imparting my wisdom and experience in dealing with asshole landlords.  She actually listened and took notes.  Yes I gasped in shock and horror that she did that.  She has been coping a hammering at work also so gave her some notes on how to deal with bullies there also.  After all having been an employee and a boss one learns these

Well

They have been looked at the car, he likes it so does she, but they will give me a final yes no tomorrow.  At least they showed

Buyer should be here

The buyer should be here in about 30 mins, if he shows at all.

Wish me luck

Hey wish me luck, pray to your gods, or send good Karma my way will you.  Have someone coming to look at the car tomorrow.  I hope (a) he shows and (b) he buys the car.  It would be a relief and a load off my shoulders to have it gone.  Its 10 weeks this Friday since I advertised it.

The new med

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Hey all thought i would give you a heads up on the new med I talked about in the last post.  Its another step forward I hope, because I need a break right now. Its not covered by our PBS system so I am paying full price.  But as I said to my partner a 2% gain and its worth the cost.  In the end I hope it will let me remove two drugs from my list, and help my mood stabilize in the up position not the down. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agomelatine

And People Wonder Why

Today is a classic example of how unstable I can be at times.  I went to bed early last night (around 11.00pm), with the intention of having a full day of work today.  So the sleep went ok, and I got a lot of research done that I wanted to do.  Was hoping to study today.  But I came to the reality a couple of hours ago, I am never going to finish the study that, no matter how much I ideally want to do it, its just not going to happen. Now I start paying off the debt I have incurred in the idea of studying.  Thing is when I do the work I get High Distinction marks all the way through.  I'm quite good at it.  But I cant be consistent enough to do it.  Not with other things distracting me for my attention.  And the days I can barely function on my own let alone try and take information in. Its this type of destruction that has seen me fail at almost everything I have attempted to do since I was diagnosed.  Then people wonder why I get so down, which of course makes it worse.  I al

The burning of books

It seems to me that this kinda of thing has gone on a lot in your past, but its more the symbolic, and your burning more than paper. Burning of books has been used to control information, to remove things that are deemed unsafe.  Its done by states, religions, and want to be rebels.  In a way it is a form of terror, but more importantly it takes away the idea of free. Speech. Today we face the modern version of book burning, a censorship of our internet access, though it looks mundane to begin with it is a dangerous path down that road.  Censorship of idea's because they may be revolutionary or simply because the government of the day says it doesn't like it. Is by nature the next step. There has never been a successful outcome for censorship or the destruction of knowledge.  I personally find the whole idea abhorrent.  I may not like what the book, or blog poster or magazine or newspaper has to say.  But I will defend its right to do so.  Its a sad state of affairs when

To see into the darkness.

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This is going to be one of those meandering posts I have from time to time. I went and saw my psychiatrist today, him and I get on very well.  Our conversations often cross over into mental health theory and treatments.  I recently watched an interview on the ABC about torture and how it effects people.  I ended up coming home with several periodicals and photocopies from reference materials. Its quite funny but i know should he and I ever sit down outside the office we would have the most amazing discussions. So how does this relate to the title of the post.  John made a comment of seeing the damage war and torture do.  We discussed a tipping point, a single event that before that people were normal and after that point are forever damaged.  I made the comment then comes the blackness. For the first time in 4 years I actually started to cry in his office.  Without realizing it I had unsettled myself.  You see when I look inside me, I don't see what other people see, I see